oober goober

The blue ticket.

2011-03-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

In the last seat sat a middle aged couple. They complained that seats weren't comfortable. After a long argument about who gets the armrest they dozed off to sleep. In front of them were the students who were not so eager to meet their parents. It had been long they met. With their backpacks thrown across lazily on the board, they were listening to some music that the rest hadn’t heard of. It was blaring out of the small device the girl had in her hands. In the next row sat an old man with a wrinkled gloomy face. He had been a stronger man as a young soldier but now when his vision no longer agreed to take his commands, he asked the man next to him to read the newspaper for him. That man was Jude. The very same Jude who couldn’t wait to meet his family again. Jude smiled at the old man and spread out the newspaper between his fingers. He asked the man what section was he interested in listening to, the old man said,” Read me anything as long as it’s happy.” After an hour or so the old man fell asleep. Maybe it’s the wind or maybe it’s the age, Jude thought to himself. In the seats ahead of Jude sat the prettiest child he had ever seen. The long loose curls, the wide gap-toothed smile and the innocent bright eyes just wouldn’t take no for an answer. She was being persistent to her mother about wanting to meet her ‘grampa’. The mother smiled and said “soon dear soon”. The girl slept in her mother’s arms.
Rest of the seats in the bus were empty. Maybe because it was such a long journey. Maybe they were the few lucky ones. Why were they there? Their time in the darkness had run out, their lives hadn’t. Jude looked down at his ticket. The blue paper had ‘admit one’ written in big bold black letters. All he could see on the ticket was ‘home’. He looked at the lazy conductor and shut his eyes. No more ear deafening noises in the middle of the night, no more blind hatred for their community, No more weeping children, no more scared eyes queuing up and walking up to the tower. It had ended. Sleep was finally here.

The random quote

2011-03-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

Optimism will make you break and cross mountains

Pessimism will make you look at the mountain and look away

It is upto you

In your life

If you want to be the performer

or just a bored member of the audience.

-Prerana Sastri

;)

In her shoes.

2011-03-07T10:16:00.001-08:00

She says she’s just another face in the crowd

She looks in the mirror and hates what she sees

A mind that has been thinking too much

Eyes that have seen more grey skies than blue

Skin that has felt threatened more than loved at every touch

Hands that have been abandoned without a clue

A Forehead that creases with every pound she loses or gains

Lips that haven’t been smiling much lately

A Heart that has been broken time and again

And all this has come to her innately

Though she wants to give up on many days

Most of them she fights through

With the hope of being appreciated and cherished

Even if no man is able to love or see

Woman, you are exceptionally beautiful to me :)

To every woman out there who has made my life wonderful :)

Happy Women's day.

Look beyond.

2011-01-30T08:12:00.000-08:00

Look beyond your computer screens

To see the person you have become

Far Away from what reality seemed

Today to the clicks and keys we succumb.

Look beyond what’s in or out

There is more to you than what you wear or eat

Leave behind the pictures in your best dress or the perfect pout

Let your imagination take a leap and start breathing

with a smile at the person on the next seat

Look beyond the curtains of prim and proper

Leave behind the shackles of best behavior

Raise some eyebrows by revealing the real ‘you’

Let your hair down and talk without a clue

Burn down the lists and give in

Kill the survival and start living.

Fuck convenience.

Look at that man on the street !

2011-01-06T08:53:00.000-08:00

He sat on the street pavement and watched the cars pass by. Tonight the lights were hurting his eyes. Too much to drink too little to eat perhaps. He wrapped the piece of cloth that he had found today tightly around his shoulders. It was a bitter cold night and one of the worst ones he had faced. Shivering here seemed so ironical because he had all the money to buy a house and sleep under a warm quilt. But if he did that he would despise himself. Every day he saw children throw away half of the food in their plates, he was reminded of his father. Likewise His father never cared about how much money he spent. His father being a diamond dealer had provided his son with all the luxuries life could offer. After his father’s death in a local shootout, the hatred for money started seeping in. At the age of 13 he lay next to his father’s body covered in blood and swore never to touch money all his life. However he gave up by the next week as the stock of groceries ran out.

When he turned sixteen his uncle gave him a big fat envelope of money as his uncle latched the door behind him with his mother inside the room. He wept till his throat hurt, his mom remained silent. He swore never to touch money all his life and failed yet again when his mother was taken to the hospital next night. She poisoned herself and died with the guilt in her heart.

When he was twenty one he finally got richer than most of the people in town. He had the best girls, the best wine and the best clothes than money could offer. With so much of money pumping in his bank account he stopped hating money until one night the hatred hit him back.

He walked into a bar where he saw her. The heavy makeup could not disguise the amount of fear in her eyes. She looked like a scared little kid whose candy was being thrown around by the bigger kids. Only this time it was her dignity being passed around and being messed with. He tried to distract himself by trying to listen to what the tall, beautiful woman was saying. She was his date tonight and Oh the world said she had the most beautiful lips they had ever seen on a woman. Ofcourse He agreed. No matter how hard he tried, his eyes went fetching for the woman he couldn’t get out of his mind. There she stood again, now with a different group of people. He couldn’t take it anymore. He absolutely had to talk to her ! He wanted to take her into his arms and kiss those eyelids. He wanted to tell her that he could be the one to take her away from all of this. He could give her back the smile that was lost in this city. He could bring her back to the life she always dreamed of. As soon as he walked towards her the manager stopped him. He said “don’t try to rescue this one, she’s counting her last few days anyway” And then their eyes met. She smiled at him. They walked out.

Next morning when he watched her bringing him coffee, He couldn’t understand. He tried his best to recollect about the previous night but before he could ask anything she sat on the chair next to his bed, tied her wavy hair into a loose bun and spoke “thanks a lot you know.. No one has been so generous towards me.. I spiked your drinks last night.. I thought I’d do that and rob you and your girlfriend but you guys were so nice to me. I would’ve taken your money to buy myself some more of heaven. You know how heaven works right ? I cant say it out loud because your house is full of those policemen. Oh or maybe those are your servants? I cant really tell. So much of my vision has gone away. So your girlfriend seems to have vanished this morning. Maybe I did scare her. I wanted to buy it so bad! Those buggers have stopped trading it for flesh now. They say im dying and are asking me to stop. I don’t really care though. You know how to count sheep in your sleep? That’s the exact way to die I have learnt. Slowly. Or maybe not”

Before he could get his hands untangled she had already jumped out of his window.

That’s when he decided to quit money. Ofcourse the whole city laughed at the tabloid that stated the same. He couldn’t care less. He moved out of the city and lived inside the tree house that was orphaned by one of the rich kids. Many nights especially like tonight he didn’t have the will to go back to the house. He wanted to watch the cars. He loved the sound. Absolutely.

Who was he anyway ?

A wannabe non-conformist.

A man who didn’t think.

A man with no head.

Yes, many names they called him.

Again, He couldn’t care less.

Had he quit money ? Oh yes.

?

2010-07-21T11:19:00.001-07:00

There are so many lands we are yet to touch
So many faces yet to be seen
And here we are fighting in sales, over love and money
Is there beauty left in anything we do?

Bloddy peepal !

2010-07-18T23:31:00.000-07:00

People. They CONFUSE me ! and well they are one of the reasons for this frustration- venting post to decorate my old hopeless blog and get the ‘cribbing’ label ! I don’t want to be the person I have become. I don’t want to edit my thoughts, I don’t want to be the ‘giver’ (doormat suits more!), I don’t want to be the person who is so addicted to opinions ! I want to break free! Only for a few days but yes I want it! Being in love and being a love addict are two totally different things and I fear from becoming the latter. It is infuriating to read books or watch movies that have made us believe that love is extreme. It will either keep you extremely happy or make you extremely sad. Sorry boss ! that is where it all went wrong! When they talk about love why couldn’t they be clearer about the extra baggage that comes along like the irritating aunt with the awesome cousin?
Since I grew up watching hindi romantic crap (oh yes when kissing meant two flowers shaking) with my mom WHY did no one tell me that once raj and simran got married they will have issues.
BIG ones ! over their children, their sex life, his colleague, her colleague and the rest of the blah ! Why did no one ever tell me that once you fall in love you have to burden yourself with never ending arguments, ego hassles, bad conversations and transitions that were never a part of your plan. Ugh ! Maybe I love too much and want that exact amount of love. On some days I think that is a good thing but on most I feel insulted. Insulted because a person prefers doing 100 other things as to having one meaningful conversation with me. Love is NOT about your own happiness or so I have read! Why don’t YOU (everyone included) try reading that too?
Like one of my classmates rightly said once that love is the most commercialized and marketed emotion. Believe me IT IS !
I wish I could just Shift+Del everything that puts me off!!

Overuse of exclamation marks is a possible symptom of PMS ! xD

My 3 takes on life

2010-03-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

Life confuses you. life breaks you. life amuses you. life fails you. life dissolves you. life conflicts you and then it ends. This bloody four letter word is overrated or so I think. Sometimes I am so worried about what questions will my action raise or why isn't everything going as the way I had planned it? When I don’t get an answer I end up convincing myself ‘Prerna, this is life’. i wish to discontinue this blame game someday and I know I will. At times I stop and think before taking each step whereas at times I don’t let a single question in my mind stop me so why do I need this four letter word to resolve for me. 18 years of wandering aimlessly, taking larger steps, being loved, being hated, being bitched about, being ignored, being the topic of discussions, being the ideal girl and having the most 'inappropriate' life. the term ‘growing up’ doesn’t define a totally meaningless trip for me.

Excuse me for the hint of plagiarism but these are my three takes on life.

First : I have come to realize that most of your friends don’t really want to help you. if they do then they will try to confide in you rather than going out and ‘discussing’ it with the world. they should learn to stay happy If you are happy instead of picking on you all the time. They are friends not judges of your life.

Second : not everyone will love you. not everyone will want you to be a part of their lives. What pleases some wont be tolerated by some. So you need to stop expecting love and warmth at the end of every street.

Third : I fail to understand people who suffer from superiority complex. What ? I mean W-H-A-T makes you greater than any other human you know? How can a person live his or her entire life thinking so highly of themselves because of one or two things they are good at? You wear warm clothes when you feel cold. You turn in a key when you want to open a lock. You brush your teeth every morning like everyone else. you event get laid just like everyone does (mostly) SO what is it that makes you so different from me ? NOTHING but your badly fucked up mind.

three takes. hundred frowns. :P

A bottle of water.

2010-03-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

‘I will not let him do it to me again’ he reminded himself as he sipped on his coffee. I won’t! I just won’t! He kept repeating to himself. He locked the main door and got into his car. He tried to take another route but something made him take the same one, the one that put him through so much of pain every day. Today the skies were clear and radio played better songs but there was traffic. Horrible case he thought. And then he saw him walking towards his car. As he tried to drive, he felt dizzy. Like the past nine days, today too he passed out in his car and woke up in his bed. When he woke up he couldn’t forget the man’s face. The deep brown eyes that had cried out of helplessness on his windshield ten days ago just refused to go off his memory. The man’s hand was bleeding, his shirt was soiled and the only thing he asked for was water. But that day I drove past him and till today he still asks me for water. What was it with a bottle of water that man could possibly do? He closed his eyes again. Today I’m not getting into that car. If he wants me, he has to find me. Here. In my house. That afternoon he opened the door to the man. Before he could close the door, the man walked in. Again he asked for water. Let me give him a glass of water and get my answer Noah decided. As he handed the glass of water to the man, the man splashed the water across Noah’s face and said, “One bottle of water that night would have made you human. A better human being but you chose to drive away. Today you offer me water so that I go away. I will stay in your mind for as long as I wish to. I wont go until you let me live the life which I didn’t get a chance to just because of a bottle of water that you failed to give me. I will stay with you until your heart stops beating just like mine did. Ten days back.”
And then Noah fainted yet again.

,

2010-01-07T23:13:00.000-08:00

To talk about life, I am too young

To talk about death, I haven’t lived enough

To talk about love, I haven’t been held close often

To talk about hatred, I am too timid

To talk about envy, I haven’t felt any

To talk about lust, I am too tied up

To talk about insecurities, I am not free of them

To talk about pride, I don’t live with it

To talk about happiness, it hasn’t been stable

To talk about sadness, I am too deep in it

To talk about beauty, I don’t see any

To talk about the ugly, i see similarities

To live life without any regrets, I am not a saint enough

To judge a person, i haven't set any greater standards

To talk about anything and impose it on others, I am not cruel enough .

PS: the word vomits are back ! :D

the most cheesiest piece i have ever written ! :P

2009-10-05T23:38:00.000-07:00

Beth and Keane. They met through common friends at a party. Both of them were accompanied by their respective partners Mike and Emily. She hated him from the very first moment. She hated him because she knew that she will fall for him. He was everything she ever wanted. His charisma worked like poison on her. Some phone calls, a few meets, a bit of sweet talk and they were in love. It wasn’t long before Beth’s feelings for Mike began to diminish. She became more and more indifferent towards him as he fell for her like never before. She felt guilty and often tried to move away from Keane. No matter how hard she tried, she knew she couldn’t live without Keane. Without dropping any hints, one night she went to mike’s place. She touched the doorknob, the walls knowing that she won’t be returning here again. She sat on his couch and waited for him to come. Her fingers trembled as she lifted the picture frame which held their picture. She smiled as she saw him walking towards her. She has to do it today she reminded herself. She hugged him and said ‘baby I love him. I’m sorry’ and without another word she walked out. She felt bad for him and good for her. She couldn’t wait to get back home and tell Keane about it. She wrote him a long e-mail saying that she was finally his and has never felt so happy before and how much she loves him. Keane was delighted. Beth kept him happy. She never went against his word, praised him in front of everyone, stroked his ego each time he seemed lost, she let him be himself and exert his control over her, and she called him whenever she could AND never asked about Emily. Keane loved to hear her compare him and Mike. He loved to hear that she had chosen him over Mike. He loved to see her love him so much and all he could do was only respond. They were crazy about each other. Beth never heard of comparisons between her and Emily. She never heard how much better she was than her. She never heard that he loved Beth more than Emily. She didn’t dare to ask. She feared that it might upset him. She never let the jealousy show. Deep in her heart she always craved to hear him say that he loved her more. She kept silent. It killed her heart when he said that he can’t talk because he is out with Emily. In those hours of silence, she thought about Mike. Each time she thought of him she could only imagine his sobs. His eyes full of sorrow and hatred just for her. Just because of her. She often felt sorry for him but not even once did she regret her decision. She was in love with Keane and would always be. One day Beth and Keane were in Keane’s room. She wrote names and drew pictures with her fingers on his back as he spoke to Emily over the phone. He was trying hard not to giggle and sound like he was actually listening. Beth got bored of this and went over to his study table. She saw a stack of papers which looked boring. At the end of the stack she saw a pretty purple envelope. It was unlikely to find such ‘feminine’ stuff in Keane’s room she thought to herself. Out of mere curiosity she opened the envelope. It had pictures of Emily and him. They looked so happy together that she squirmed with jealousy. In one picture she saw Emily’s stomach bulging out. She is getting FAT she said to herself. Keane came up to her and saw the pictures she held. He hugged her and said ‘baby I love her. I’m sorry’.

PS: how did I ever write this ?

i ♥ the place!

2009-07-27T04:25:00.000-07:00

I have come to realize what this city means to me.Mumbai or Bombay the way you like it.No, not just after reading the lost flamingoes of Bombay. It is a good book though.Be here for a while and you’d know what I am talking about..You will either love it totally or you wont be able to stand it all.There are times when I want to run away from the trash and traffic the city offers

But then I simply cant !The food, the pace, the place just brings me back..That’s the beauty of the city

It is like quicksand..Once you are in its almost impossible to get out, The charm strikes you and doesn’t wear off...You curse the pollution, you curse the filth,You curse the poverty, you curse the crowdedness

Yet the city remains..It remains back in your mind, deep in your heart..you might not like the people,they are too snobbish ? They are too modern?They don’t know how to talk? They have no ethics at all?

Yes, maybe but then this is what the city is

Open to all yet closed..Closed behind the doors of status, glamour, money and pride.

No way do we say that it is "perfect" unless you come to the terms of beauty..The city is uttely beautiful in a brash way with the rugged charm..No non-sense, nothing is over done with too much of paint (not even the people). Just the stone and the sea. The sea no matter how polluted it is now, looks beautiful with every sunset :) For we stand back and feel small..

You walk with the city or lay back and watch, it is a city not to be missed

I would love to film the city which I guess everyone living here would.:P

I love Mumbai..For what it is today

And for what it will be tomorrow. :D

Materialistic Me.

2009-07-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

Actions make me sad

Things make me happy.

Actions make me skeptical

Things make me believe.

Actions make nervous

Things calm me down.

Actions make me distant

Things make me stay.

Actions make me weak

Things bind my feet.

Actions make me insecure

Things make me feel safe.

Actions trap me

Things set me free.

Actions make me weep

things break a smile

Actions make me love you

Things hit me with the reality.

Actions make me want to kill myself

Things let me live.

Am I too materialistic you say ?

Maybe yes. :)

gone yet there.

2009-06-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

She touches the leaf and feels the dew

The tiny droplet on her hand shines

Just like her eyes

Each time his music plays

In her ears in her mind

It bought his face back to her

The stillness in his walk

The silence in his talks

The way his fingers touched those keys

Keys that created magic

Magic that lasted all these years

The music alive in her smile and her tears

She watched the ripples in the pond

Today she knew

The flowers couldn’t bring her to life

The sky couldn’t make her smile

Nothing could make her same again

She fell like a bridge with no cables

Into the sweetness of his symphonies

The only thing he left for her

As he walked away into the darkness.

Mr. Perfect? :)

2009-05-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

Be the one to hold me when I am weak

Be the one to stand for me when I go meek

Be the one to lend out a hand

Be the one to gently brush away that hair strand

Be the one to yell at me when I’m wrong

Be the one to make me feel strong

Be the one to tell me that I complete you

Be the one to say a table for two

Be the one to walk by my side and not lead the way

Be the one to smile and make my day

Be the one to kiss my forehead before my cheek

Be the one to wipe away the tear soon after it leaks

Be the one to make me go weak in the knees

Be the one to first call peace

Be the one to set it all right with a hug

Be the one to call me your addictive drug

Be the one to keep my feet warm

Be the one to protect me from any harm

Be the one to keep me forever

Be the one that would hurt me never

Would all this be too much to give or do

For the unconditional love I’d give you?

Sold.

2009-05-11T03:36:00.000-07:00

The light travels through the window

Making me dizzy

As I see her distorted face

My memory begins to lose its grace

She says she brought me here

Because she’d be paid

And with the money she’d run away

Run away to a better place

Far away from this filth

Where no one let her grow

All she received in the name of love

Were the beatings and curses, He gave her each day

She says she was once beautiful too

Just like me

Her face glowed as she smiled

Her eyes were always full of life

She cries as she looks at me

With guilt and relief

No more will she be his arm candy

His pet, his slave

For now I have replaced her

Replaced her world with mine

As she opens the door into the sun

Her silhouette fades away

The door closes slowly

Closing away my life.

Making me a captive

In the world where everyone lived money.

A pessimist and you..

2009-04-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

I grow pessimistic...

With the end of each wave

With every blank page

With the end of every friendship

With the loss of every person who once meant the world to me

With every break-up i see

With all the feelings that fade away eventually

With a person’s judgmental attitude

With each harsh word that comes to me

With each provocation that makes me do bad

With every dark room

With each rejection

With every sleepless night

With each day that doesn’t make me smile

With every locked door

With each time I fail

With every motionless face

With every thing that slips away like sand

With every wrong move I make

As I look into your eyes

that moment I again believe

“everything will be alright”

It has to be.

drained emotions and lives.

2009-04-25T10:12:00.000-07:00

The room was dimly lit
They sat in a circle facing each other. Three of them were weeping and the other two remained blank
They spoke in hushed tones, fumbling and stammering. They avoided making eye contact as they were bleeding guilt... the calls were made. It would all be over in a matter of minutes. they would all be captured and led to hell- remand homes.
One of them looked up and spoke.

She spoke of love
How perfect she felt in his arms. How she could look into his eyes forever.
They would walk down the beach every night
She could still hear his voice some nights. See his perfect face when he smiled.
Her smile faded as she spoke
She was happy till that dreadful night
When he called up to say they were not going to work as he didn’t find her feelings true.
She went up to his room and shot him

The next spoke of hatred
He felt for his elder brother
How he had been the reason for their parents’ separation
His brother was the one who had created the rift between his mom and dad
He knew his mom was innocent
She could never cheat on his dad as his brother said
The marks on her body petrified him
Next night he stabbed his brother to death

The next girl spoke of envy
Envy she felt for her neighbor
They had been good friends as kids
Both grew up to be totally different people
How much she craved to be like her now! Her neighbor would pick at her or insult her in every possible way. she was living a life full of humiliation.
She wanted to get over with it.
The next day in school she brought lunch for her neighbor like always.
This time she added some of her stolen cyanide to her coke
She choked and it was done

They next spoke of betrayal
How his own best friend had turned his back
All for a girl. All because of a girl.
The compassion between them had turned to hatred within minutes.
He hadn’t tried to kiss her, to touch her. he thought well of her until that night.
Her love for his friend was shallow and he knew it.
Before he could tell about it to his friend, she had already convinced his friend. He was proven wrong. His friend said he was disgusted. By him and his friendship.
The next night he went to the girl’s house. His hands found her neck. She was dead in a few minutes.

The last one spoke of revenge
She was shocked, shattered and broken
She believed in him, he was the only one who understood her at school.
A perfect father-figure in her life which she had always yearned for
He wasn’t just a teacher. He was her way of life. The way she spoke, dressed or even walked was influenced by him. She was dazzled by his passion in his lectures.
That one afternoon it all came crashing down.
When she asked him for help. She was stuck with a particular chapter and he said he’d be delighted to help her.
He latched the door and all went wrong at that very moment
She went home feeling numb. Her senses were gone, her emotions had vanished.
That night she lit up his place and his screams from the house soothed her. he didn’t survive.

They looked at each other and smiled.
They knew what they had done. It was wrong yet it felt right.
They had no one who would know how strong their emotions were. They would be misunderstood.
They held each other close with warmth and understanding. The guilt didn’t prick them anymore.
They all were in their teens yet they had a given meaning to their lives. with nothing to fear of, nothing to hide.
They smiled once again as they heard the footsteps approaching them.

how yahoo made two people fall in "love" ! :-\

2009-04-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

perry: i dont know then?

ushma: dance pe chance marle

perry: tujpe maar lu?

ushma: maar.. fek.. jo karna hai kar

perry: chikneeeeeeeeeee ;)

perry: i lurvvvvvvvvvvvvv you my sweatypie

perry: the key word being 'sweaty' here. :P

ushma: sweatypie?

perry: hahahaha

ushma: yes... horneypie

perry: . i want you i need u i need u oh baby oh baby

perry: ^ courtesy 10 things i hate about you

ushma: o shucks!! ... did you go to the chemist? o but what to we require?

perry: hello there is a female version! the world isnt sexist anymore!

ushma: what difference is it going to make? :P

perry: yes actualy hmmm

perry: lets make love not catfights!!---- sign outside a sale :-|

ushma: haahahahaha

perry: ur my muse honey

perry: u make me think

perry: u make me blink

perry: u make me drink(vodka)

ushma : tequilla gin rum

perry: u make me shrink :O

ushma: zip it!

perry: wtf? im in my pj's there is no zip

perry: now?

ushma: then ?

BUZZ

ushma: was thinking of alternatives.. like pulling em down

perry: oh how considerate, i love you till eternity

ushma: so do i .. so do i .. so do i.. .tell death do us part!

perry: yes yes yes brb now

ushma: ok

perry: back to you

ushma: yes

perry: it always comes around back to u lalala..... i love that song

ushma: ohh k .. just T?

perry: t means?

ushma: justin timberlake?

perry: no that was a crappy song

what goes around comes back around blah blah yuck yuck

ushma: toh whose the artist?

perry: im talking abt the john mayer one whos dating jennifer aniston.. ur body is a wonderland one love love i love him.

perry: im putting all this on my blog also

ushma: put put

perry: so that the world knows about our "lurv affeeer"

ushma: yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

and they lived happily ever after :)

The shop down the lane...

2009-04-09T00:18:00.000-07:00

They all wanted to go

To that shop down the lane

Where there were colours

They all loved to be

None of them could go, they knew

As they sat thinking and smiling

Of all the sweets in there

They wanted to eat

Eat till their stomachs hurt

John the little one

Among his five brothers

Wanted to eat up all the orange ones

His mom said they didn’t have the money

he understood what she meant

they would have to buy six instead of one

never did he mention the shop again

Jessica the bubbly one

wanted to eat up all the purple ones

How she feared the disease she had

The one that everyone talked about

In hushed tones so that she couldn’t hear

She became silent with each passing day

Never did she mention the shop again

Nasir the rich one

Wanted to eat up all the green ones

For the jealousy he felt

As he saw the kids who played outside his house

How angry his father was when he asked to join them

He was left alone at his window

Never did he mention the shop again

Anita the beautiful one

wanted to eat up all the black ones

the only colour she could see

she wanted to see the colours her friends spoke of

her mother suppressed all her pleas

with a smile she could only imagine

never did she mention the shop again

the shop could bring

a smile to their faces and wipe it off too in a minute.

yet it stood still,silent and unaware

of them and their desires.

ME

2009-04-05T03:16:00.000-07:00

I look into the mirror

Amused by the person I see

There she is beaming with pride

How she has made it

Through all those ‘no’s’

She turned into a ‘yes’

Each stair she climbs might give her a new life

Or would burn her off into ashes

For now she has the power

The charm, the confidence

She knows what she is

What she wants and what she can

all those rough days

She has seen

With her hope held high

As she keeps walking with them

Trying to cope with their pace

Brushing off those tears and worries

From her lovely face

She is going to live her dream she knows

With this she keeps

Dreaming more and more

And never fails to make them come true.

She smiles her way through everything

This is the way

She’s always wanted it to be.

post-paid to pre-paid. :'(

2009-04-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yes the title is little absurd I know.

No,it hasnt done much good in my life. i wont say it has made me a better person , my sense of responsibility has finally dawned upon me or I can handle my money much better now.
It hasn’t!! okay?

These were amongst the thousands of reasons my parents gave for this particular
Switch. Yes you have to read ‘this’ as im running out of topics. (yes i keep saying this and post everyday.)

Oh, your so nice. :-)

So my parents kept on tormenting me with the regular questions like Sooooo many calls?! How can you even talk sooooo much!? who is it that you talk so much with?! Why don’t those people call you!? What is so important that u need to talk about it at 3am?!
Apparently My relatives think I’m a non-talkative girl and hence they think I’m a snob.

They were taken aback when my mom cribbed about my four figured telephone bills.who cares who cares.. bwahaha

Soon they came up with all sorts of emotional blackmail methods which even I couldn’t think of!
They’d say to some equally-frustrated –with- her- kid -aunty ‘just one daughter we have with us and see how much she talks to others. Never talks to us’.
And then when I was wishing for the earth to swallow me up at that very moment they’d look at me and say ‘We aren’t that rich beta limit ur talking.pleeeaasseeee’ (yes the please seemed never-ending)
I continued to ignore their pleas.
Yes. the day my last bill came *sob* I had to surrender.
I felt weak and deceived when they said “We are not paying this bill” with such a big smile that they looked scary! Errr.. I used my methods too I cried and looked at my mobile longingly when my outgoing services were deactivated. But they just wouldn’t budge. I said yes without an option. They bought me a new sim card.
Not like I was actually “thrilled” to have a new number. (the only good part being that i could now ignore the people i didn't like talking to)

but then now I couldn’t just call up anyone and keep on saying ‘what else what else’ till eternity.
Or talk for hours with certain people ;-)
I feel like a caged animal now.
Yes I have to live with that ‘limited food’ and ‘limited view’ in short a ‘limited span of talking’.thank you very much.
Maybe you are thinking that

huh how can something so minute make a difference?
Trust me it did.
Let me make it more clear.

A conversation when I had a post paid number
Me: heyyyyyyyy
Xyz: hiiiiii

me: wasupppppppp?

xyz: nothing u temme
Me: u busy?
Xyz: no no tell me
Me: oh nothing! Too bored nothing to do so thought of talking to someone
Xyz: hehehe
Me: by the way u are the 10th person I have called :D
(this would go on atleast for an hour)

And my conversation now
Me: hi ssup?
Xyz: nothing much. ssup with u?
Me: oh I just called to ask whether u are free in the evening?
Xyz: yes
Me: oh shit! My balance is running low can u call me in like 5 minutes? Plz plz plz.
And the voicemail says “your call will be disconnected due to insufficient balance in your account”
And I sit there waiting for xyz’s call.
Helpless and broke. :-(

ps: i hate that pervy guy at the shop from where i get my number recharged! he's gonna have it from me someday! aaaaa! im going mad :-| saala.

pps: those couches at the billing outlets were so comfy. i miss them . :-(

The changing face.

2009-03-30T23:09:00.000-07:00

I remember I was around eleven and she was eighteen.you know the age when you’re so desperate to grow old Or atleast be tagged as a “teenager”. I was highly fascinated by people (girls basically) who wore kurtis, wore no make-up, had bobbed hair and those kolhapuri chappals et al. (I still am)There was this girl in my neighborhood. I thought of her as my role model.(my role models are usually people I know) I had my mind made up that someday I would definitely grow up to be someone like her! she was this artist type. I loved her anti-moral ways of talking and living. At twelve u think that saying fuck or bitch/bastard is not a good thing no? atleast I used to think that way. :-| She used to hang around with guys mostly which drew a lot of nasty stares from all the aunties and uncles of the locality who thought people should have only same sex friends! Or atleast good girls should. And there she was breaking all their good girl norms. Such a nerve! They said. She wore low cut tops which spared nothing but managed to look pleasant. Her hair was cut short and yet never stayed in place. She used to come home late certainly not acceptable to the whole of the neighborhood. Mostly drunk. I admired her wild ways. I remember seeing her blow smoke into one of her male friend’s mouth quite often in front of my school which was at a distance from where I lived. They smoked and spoke about politics, world peace and stuff which I thought was quite “deep” because all the other girls of her age only giggled and spoke in hushed tones about magazines, karishma kapoor and all.I was quite good at eaves dropping back then.

Yes, I have managed to stop it now.=P. I remember talking to her, she smelt of a mixture of cigarettes, mint and some sweet perfume. She smelt great! I was dumbfounded when she spoke to me at a “get-together” party organized by some random noisy aunty who was pretty obviously showing off her wealth and social status.Like anyone cared! I didn’t nor did she. She came up to me and said hi! in the most friendly way and I stood staring at her. saying “err” and “umm” before each sentence.she said she was sooooo bored at this party and I was a familiar face. I was happy that my icon was talking to me! Like how often did that happen? She wasn’t really flawlessly beautiful, her skin had those teenage zits and all but there was radiance in her face. She actually shone! Or maybe the clammy atmosphere made her to. She tried her best not to use fuck while talking but almost couldn’t as sensed I was okay with it. After that each time she saw me she waved or came up to me and have a small chat. If that happened in front of my friends they’d merely stare at us and I’d beam with pride. The days passed and we had to shift to some other place. We moved out and I moved on.I didn’t think much about this icon of mine since I had found many others by now.

Yesterday, I met her again. I got into the train and saw her looking at me. I looked at her suspiciously too. She smiled and I was thinking “wtf is wrong with this female?” until she called out my name and that voice! One I could never forget. Yes now I recollected those huge brown eyes and that nose piercing however the eyebrow one was gone. it was her!! and well not “her” ofcourse. Dressed in a shiny shiny salwar kameez, matching heels, long streaked hair and so much of kohl, eyeliner, lipstick okay I lost my count. She hugged me right there. Now im quite comfortable with people hugging me thing bcoz of my college friends ( they want to do it each time we meet) . I might have sounded rude coz her smile faded slightly when I asked her “ what on the earth happened to you?”. She sighed and said “marriage”. I tried to spot a mangalsutra on her neck, the auspicious thread ( haha) But it wasn’t there. She guessed and said no no I’m not married yet! Its just the finding-a-groom phase and that’s why im all dolled up. The way she spoke had changed to. Now she spoke in humble ways using her words carefully and all that. Howmuch ever she tried she had changed after all. I knew it! Just knew it. She was the bad girl gone good! Not acceptable at all! (to me that is). I waved her a goodbye and got off from the train thinking how the faces change as the phases change.

something nice. :)

2009-03-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

Well firstly im so happy that sharukh khan and salman khan type movies are not being released. :D You just can imagine the wide grin across my face as im typing this. There are two movies which i saw and felt the taste of some good cinema. (quite obvious im smitten by them totally!)

The first one is gulaal. Actually speaking I don’t watch tv or listen to radio and that keeps me almost aloof from the new releases. And all the hype. Yeah and when the movies don’t star all those good for nothing ‘A’ listers there is no or very less publicity. Gulaal is one movie that needs no publicity at all. Anurag kashyap is one mad genius it’s said and I agree. The movie may be gruesome to some or moral-less to others.

But for me its one of the best hindi movies I’ve seen till date.The music, the script, the actors just fall in the right place. It shows the bitter side of politics which we don’t really wish to know or accept.We thought all that killing for the throne ended with the rule of kings and queens.That’s not it. In those days all this was still acceptable but now when we talk about humanity, peace and progress or rather the whole broad mindedness we fake and kill each other for some stupid seat.The movie also shows the geek-gone-great story and yet manages to keep the fact that he is the meek human he was in the start. Err unlike some movies we have been tormented with. The actors have done their job excellently. Jesse randhawa looks amazing! :P

The next one is firaaq

I loved this one too. The movie aptly portrays the Hindu-Muslim differences still prevailing in the society.In a background of riots how people forget the ‘person’ they knew just because he belongs to the “other religion” I feel bad and disgusted to accept the fact that it still prevails and people shamelessly project it too. I mean seriously how will an Indian Muslim feel when he/she is called a ‘Pakistani’? good? Not at all.

How would they feel while watching such movies where they are constantly abused and stuff?Can we just stop holding such stupid prejudices? It makes no sense to me. Islam is not bad. Neither are its followers. People are. So what if all terrorists are Muslims? Cant we stop generalizing such hazardously? Maybe I’m asking for too much.Being a non-muslim I can feel their insult. Religion is not the basis of bad things We need to understand this first.Naseerudin shah is a great actor. And so is this movie.

cribbing. yet again!

2009-03-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

I have kinda stopped posting here. People have noticed :P
Yes, I change my layouts and stuff but I don’t post!
Why? I don’t know.
There are many reasons that can be the cause of my semi retarded behaviour these days.
And my bf’s the sole victim of all my outbursts and tantrums. No, don’t pity him. He’s a superhuman. I think. :)
Okay, so here are the reasons

The heat!!!!
Mumbai has become almost unbearable with its extreme climates these days/months/years. Okay sorry.
When I say extreme I mean only the extreme heat.
Winters are the extinct factor of Mumbai. March hasn’t even ended and it feels like May already.
I cant step out of the house in the day, so I sleep (and eat and become fat! ) and read books that make no sense to me or others. Seriously what were the authors even thiking?
Only good book was inscrutable Americans. Yea I read this one now. So?

Exam stress!!!
I gave my boards this year. So? So I screwed it up.
Yes I did.
And so did most of my friends :D
Just the fact that I tried to study the whole portion in one day or perhaps one night(for the first time). And I called up people who were revising at that time.
Imagine the kind of stress!

its like ur at a wedding and all those over-weight aunties are stuffing u up with food and u cant puke put of respect.
My mind has gone numb since then.
I feel like studying now.

Scramble on fb

No it is scramble and NOT scrabble like most of the people around me think and call me dumb. As mentioned earlier I do not step out my den much and hence my only resort is this application on fb.
Sometimes I laugh at myself for being so addicted to it. That’s the second thing on my mind all the time. Even when I’m trying to sleep I think of words! :o
So this leaves no scope for any other ‘type’ of thinking.

Innumerable mood-swings
Yes this is due to the people and for the people by ME.
Okay im not being witty. Any cure for them?
Plz help!

Recession
i don’t have a job. I’m not eligible for one. Yet I worry.
Even though my parents have no cut offs yet they have the same excuse all the time
All the time refers to as in when I ask for money.
And it worries me a lot. Im so depressed thinking about this.
What if barter system comes back? Im so not exchanging my clothes for anything on the planet! Okay way too much. I know.

Daydreaming
Not really daydreaming but rather day-worrying.
Yes I know I wrote that earlier. I keep thinking about my exam results. Which remind me of my not-so-good papers. Which further reminds me about the bmm cut-off %’s in college I want to get in. and I know im not scoring anywhere close. i have no alternate career plans. And I wont have a good job and how I wont be successful. In short pessimism runs through my veins these days. (obesity is the next one in the row)

post quitting trauma

ive quit smoking. period atleast.

and hence many of my thougths are stagnant.

but i'll come out of this atleast.

Im done cribbing now.
I hope I start blogging again.
Soon.
ps: isnt this 'pink' in the post hideous? there are no better colours!

X-[

:)

2009-03-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

im happy today.

Just one day when its about “Us” of all those 365 days which are all about “u”.

Of not being called “dependent and vulnerable” for a day

Many of our lives revolving around ironing, washing , cooking and endlessly pampering u.

Like u say we are equal and will never mean it.

Both our worlds are different indeed.

U don’t get raped, maimed, abducted and killed without a reason

We do.

Our crime? Well according to u its being born itself.

We know someday v will come out of it. Hopefully. Hope is not a good strategy some say but we don’t live life strategically

For us its going where the heart takes.

Yes, v love watching the world through those rose-tinted glasses

And dream of having a fabulous life

Of gowns, love, limelight, darkness, perfection, babies and everything that u think is stupid.

Don’t u just love watching us walk wid breeze blowing our hair in a rhythm

The way we smile through everything

When v say ‘no nothing’ instead of ‘yes everything’.

U cannot brand us. u just cant.

We ooze love, laughter and versatility

Living in a pool of stereotypes, inferiority and endless insecurities

Its still good

I love being a woman

Happy women’s day.

2009-03-07T07:01:00.001-08:00

Why do u look at me like that?

Not look but stare

U think im creepy now

Or is it pity that u feel for me

Months old I was

Thrown into the depth

My breath stopped only for a while

My life didn’t move since.

Went looking for love

All I found was u

U kept coming in my thoughts

Ur hate couldn’t fly away.

As a kid id wait

Wait for u to smile

Not even once did u notice

The thirst in my eyes.

U’d hit me for the smallest mistake

The scars never healed

I’d cry till I choked

Yet I didn’t die.

My wings never grew

U cut them off at every chance

I never came out of the hell u built

It wasn’t a home. Just a box.

Time I wanted to cut myself

My skin grew thick

The blades went blunt

I wouldn’t die.

I tried everything

And grew sick of it.

Injected myself with liberty

Did it till my nerves went white

I just wouldn’t die

Plainly disgusted by the way

U’d try to touch me

never did I question

ur drunken propinquity

Incest was too light a word

for what u put me through

I’d wash myself weeping

till my skin went red.

Praying each night for my death

Knowing I wouldn’t die

Yes I am done tonight

Done with killing u

No more do I wish

To stab it in again

Out of all the love I craved for

Goodbye dad.

they knew.

2009-01-16T08:32:00.000-08:00

As they watched the sun go down with their hands interlocked and his head rested on her slim shoulder. she kept gazing at the waves and thought about her life.
The guy sitting besides was her first boyfriend and someone whom she wasn’t sure about. In the first days of her college his friends were one of those who mocked at her and called her names. She thought about the apparent makeover which had changed her whole physical appearance. She had won a small lottery and was confused as to what she would do with the money. Someone had sarcastically suggested for a makeover and this comment had changed her life. She had never been one of those scantily clad girls but now she had become one. She never fussed about her hair or even tried to look all dolled up like now. She knew that somewhere this wasn’t her. This was a fake picture of her which everyone seemed to love and desire. The girls who earlier didn’t even bother to acknowledge her presence were bitching about her. the so called cool people wanted to be friends with her. she had loved and loathed this. She had loved the attention she got but had loathed it too because she knew that all this was only because her new appearance. Most of the girls in her college would do anything to get the guy sitting next to her. lucky? Yes maybe she was but then the reason was only because she had dropped her thick framed glasses and some clothes. Earlier she felt cheap and way too uncomfortable in her “hot n new” clothes but then she was concerned about her image. It had become an obsession now. One day she had tried goin back to her glasses and her old clothes. She didn’t recognize the person standing in front of the mirror. she didn’t feel like being that person again, although she felt guilty as she had killed dat person, she never wanted to be invisible again. She smashed her glasses and hid her old clothes. She cried as they were the sole reason for her sadness for all these years.She had loved him like every other girl in her class. but y was he here? Did he think that her dignity too was as scanty as her clothes?

The silence was killing him as she hadn’t spoken a word since a long time. He thought of the days when he laughed at her and now he laughed with her. once when she came up to him to ask directions to the library he had rudely tried to brush her off. He had felt like hitting himself with something for doing so. He had always felt an attraction for her. those brown beautiful eyes sans any make-up which gave him curious yet warm glances through those thick glasses had always occupied his mind. Whenever she passed him he’d always turn to look twice at her. his friends didn’t notice this or maybe even if they had they tried to ignore it. They wouldn’t want him to fall for such an unattractive girl. Finally when one day he decided to tell her how he felt, she didn’t come to college. on her desk he saw a different person. she had the same brown eyes but the glasses were gone. Her hair fell on her shoulders and swayed with every movement it wasn’t in dat loose ponytail anymore.her clothes had changed./ She looked pretty indeed but it wasn’t like seeing her. he didn’t let the disappointment show on his face and that evening itself he asked her out. She was a bit reluctant but then she finally agreed. His feelings towards her confused him. Why did she turn into this? Why didn’t those eyes feel warm anymore? Its been a month since they were ‘officially dating’. she was being fake he knew. She didn’t really seem happy about all the attention she got, he had observed.
He lifted his head and the molten rays falling on her face were making her look all the more beautiful. She looked back and smiled. there was a worried look on her face, in a stern voice she said, “this isn’t working”. He was at loss of words because it came like a sudden hit. She was crying, he didn’t know what to say as he cupped her face into his hands and wiped away the tears. She tried to tell him what she felt and how her new image had killed something inside her.she cried till her eyes hurt but his arms never left her. as she looked up the air felt cold and the stars lined the sky above them. She looked into his eyes and asked “ how long till u love me?” . he smiled and said “I knew I was in love when I first saw u”. the warmth in those eyes was back, ever the running mascara didn’t bother her as they kissed.Nothing else mattered as they were sure. It was love, they just knew. :)

GrrRr..

2009-01-13T06:44:00.000-08:00

Maybe its the pms dats making me type this post.. but then aren’t der sumthings which are really annoying around u? I mean lik REALLY annoying?
Dat make u scream n tear your hair out?, it can get so annoying dat u start swearing and end up making ur own words like ratfucker?
Hmm.
Dis is what im going throught right now!!
What do u do when ur boyfriend calls u stupid? Call him a retard =P
But then guys have a dead sense of humour when it comes to receiving insults.:-| seriously. *sighs*
But then dats not what im trying to say
What im trying to put here is a list of things that really ANNOY me or which I HATE.

#1 da sound of thermocol being rubbed against marble floor
I hate it I hate it! Dis is one thing dat can make me slap a person in the face
Dat whole screechy sound is so annoying!! I get goosebumps even if I think about it. Yuck.

#2 toothpaste tubes squeezed in da middle
Dis is a common one I knw.
But then I hate it when someone does dis! Did u just think dat squeezing da tube in da middle wud turn out to be miraculous event and da tube will split into two halves? Grrrr.

#3 guys/men scratching their groin n stuff in public
Its gross! U know wat im talking about. I mean even if a 45 year old aunty is next to dem des people don’t stop! Sheesh! Have u ever seen a female doin dis? Wat is it? It will never turn into a magic lamp if u keep rubbing or scratching it whenever a girl looks ur way! No genie is coming out of der for sure. 

#4 people playing music loudly in their cellphones
des are da people dat are either deaf of are grave victims of ADD.
Dey play music so loudly dat da passengers in the next two compartments can also hear their himesh/emran hasmi movie/atif aslam/sean paul/beyonce songs (u get da point right?) for dem earphones have never been invented and even if dey got dem for “free” dey wont use it maybe for da risk of cancer!

#5 golden highlights!!
Is like being a blonde cool or sumthing des days?
Okay acting lik one may get u some guys n jokes but then do u need da golden-later-turning-into-white highlights?
I don’t like them no matter how good dey look on a person. And guys getting dem is lik all da more urrghhh! get dem coloured blue. better. =P

#6 anything dats related to kareena kapoor
Umm.. whr do I even start ?
i found shahid kapur kinda cute in his first movie but then as da news came da whole cuteness disappeared.. da same thing happnd wid saif too though da door handle beard was an equal turn-off.>:P
n den da whole hype about size zero..didnt anyone tell her dat her face luks hUGE as compared to her body ? gimme a chance plz. Globus sux equally harder.
And so dus da new “desi kurkure”. 

#7 long nails!
I don’t have any specific reason for this but then I do find long nails annoying!
And if deyre painted red den its like da icing on da cake! Urrgh ! and I hate the whole concept of nail art and nail piercing! I feel lik holding their hand tightly and den choppin it wid a paor of scissors. Gruesome so what? ! and den sumhow I know a guy who has long nails but isn’t gay/tramsexual and he says dat no girl has ever mentioned dis dislike for his long nails.. I mean seriously? Just bcoz he has a cute face n all maybe. Do people use nails as a form of self defense or does scratching ur backs become easy?

#8 lighting a cigarette with a matchstick
Umm.. well dis may sound absurd but den I despise it!
I dunno y whenever I light a cigg using a matchstick, I get this strange smell which I hate! Maybe its da post-burning-smell of da matchstick but it annoys me totally, I go to da extent of throwing my whole cigg if sumone tries to light it wid a matchstick. Its dat stench it makes me feel pukey at times.

#9 yellow
It is maybe da most i.r.r.i.t.a.t.i.n.g colour dat I have ever seen.!! I hate anything dats yellow.
This colour is so freaking blinding! And I dunno y is it considered as a ‘cool’ colour these days. girls carry bags, wear shoes,belts etc etc in striking yellow colours and end up looking so hideous. =| da colour only reminds me of jaundice and not of things like sunflower or banana or spongebob or simpsons=P

#10 questions!!
Annoying questions! asking and answering both
Okay I do da asking part only wid my boifey no one else hehe.
But then wat are u supposed to say when a stranger asks u “so wat is it being u?”
Or “have u really written dat blog or is it just copy-paste” =|
Or when ur dad’s friend’s son asks“am I making u uncomfortable wid my flirting” (how do I say ya jerk so shut up!!)
and den da worst of all is when sum random aunty asks “ beta wat r u studying?” n when I say “arts” dey look at me as if my parents produced a retard o sumthin and den with a sympathetic look dey say “ oh y not science or commerce?”..
I prefer not to answer.

all of dis wont ever make sense but then whoz here to be sensible anywayz. ;) =P

Finding n-EMO.

2008-12-13T05:44:00.000-08:00

This thought hit me (read hard) when some random lame guy with a googled emo display pic, sent me a frn request on orkut *sighs*
I wasn’t goin to accpt it for sure but then out of wastedness I chkd his “profile” well…
his about me said “im da best and if ur an emo ur in da right place”
yea right! lik I was.
and den his communities included I luv mascara/ guys wid eyeliner/ I luv my hair sheesh! How metrosexual can u get !!
I get da whole manicure and threading eyebrows thing wich guys are into des days *pupils poppin out* even I don’t get a manicure.. err..
But den eyeliner? Yea musicians do it and dey manage to look totally smoldering wid it *day dreamz* but U cant do IT!
Atleast in a city like Mumbai where its summertime all round da clock. And im really not interested in watching ur runny eye liner-ed eyes.
I don’t really hav a biggggggg problem or sumthing wid the emos
Da problem lies with da emo wannabes esp, GUYS!! Not much problem wid girls tho
Coz dey are rare in count and dey can manage to carry it off. I cud become a feminist any day haha!
Des guys don’t really know what being an actual emo is (plz don’t ask me either! Google it :-||) anddd according to them being an “emo” is about having a straight fringe dat covers da whole of ur forehead and den u hav to keep flippin it and say “dude! How dus my hair look today.” Yea such kind exist in my college.
Gone are the days when guys spoke about da hottest chick/flick
Des days its da hottest hairdo.
I wanna run!!!
And agreed dat my orkut/facebook/msn/ym etcetc display picture is my so-called emo pic (totally co-incidental)
Wich was on blogger too :P
But den Im not an EMO.
Once I was chatting wid a frn of mine who also was an emo wannabe
And like always I was criticizing his new “look” wich included blue lenses and kajaal !
Seriously wtF ?! yea I knw ur sayin da same thing.. but then he defended himself by saying my gal liks it a lot. ! maybe she was partially blind or smitten by this “in emo” thing. Blaah
He knew I wasn’t getting coaxed in any way so v spoke about random stuff
And den out of no where he askd “okay perry, how much wud a hair straightner cost?”
I wanted to punch him at dat very moment!
Lol!
And den derz dis schoolmate of mine who actually pays 3grand a week juz to “maintain” his emo-punk-scene hair! Wich doesn’t look good on him at all.. I dont even spend dat much in a month for my hairdos..
Maybe I don’t get it But its not like im interested either!
Poof! >:P

Ps: I miss kurt all da more des days coz a frn gav me his discography :'( (totally irrelevant I knw!)

finding it.

2008-12-10T04:04:00.000-08:00

The cold air made her throat dry,

Her legs were aching but she continued to climb on her quest of finding it.

The darkness soothed her

She wasn’t scared of it anymore

She remembered the little girl she met on her way that morning

How her pigtails danced when she laughed,

The genuine warmth in her tiny hug,

The twinkle in the girl’s tiny eyes when she bought a toy for her

The bitterness of the girl’s destiny couldn’t take off dat irresistible smile of her five year old face.

Her lips too curved into a smile by her thought as she continued walking..

She glanced at her watch it was nearing 11 pm

But she wasn’t really interested in returning back to da gloominess of her hotel room

To the emptiness of it.

She saw a few local women returning back home with their kids

She always wondered wat a happy family was like?

Her parents had always been at loggerheads.

As a kid all she could do was lock herself in her room and try to avoid the screams and abuses.

They never filed for a divorce maybe for her well-being that’s wat they always said when

she tried to talk to one of them.

Her pace fastened as she was reaching the top

There was a small stall at a little distance, she bought herself a bottle of water.

the water rushing down her throat felt good

she smiled at the thought that how da most inexpensive things could give a person so much of comfort as compared to the materialistic things that she had been striving for all her life.

After 10 minutes or so she reached the top

she spread the paper sheets on the ground and sat.

she was panting so she tried to gasp some air

sipped some water again and gazed up...

the sky was jet black lit by the half crescent moon and the tiny stars

she tried to look for the great bear as she remembered her ex-boyfriend,

On some astronomy trip from her school, she had bumped into him trying to locate the great bear constellation wich was a part of her assignment.

they had happy times together but then it didn’t really work out,

things fell apart but the great bear meet was still intact.

When she finally saw it, she blushed.

And then she rose to her feet and walked towards the end of the hilltop

The town now looked like a miniature.

standing at the end with her arms wide open,

the wind blew through her hair as she whispered “this is life."

the ache in her limbs and her heart was gone.

climbing the mountain wasn't easy but then she had conquered it.

walking in the dark didn't give her shivers like before.

she could make a person smile without much efforts.

she could withstand all her bad days, she promised herself.

she had won.

she stayed there till dawn watching the sky turn blue,

she finally had the answers.

change :)

2008-12-04T02:49:00.000-08:00

Aaah school days! golden days of an individual's life blah blah.. :
Fun? Yes they were
But restrictions? too many of them !
I saw a group of uniform clad girls giggling in the train when I remembered myself back then..
When I think of school I think of teachers early mornings n assignments
And when I think of college I think of the campus cafeteria n bunking :P
My school was a co-ed one so there were lame guys who never paid attention to us
Who treated us like sisters no matter how undyingly pretty/ugly we were...
I remember myself in my uniform, two plaits (wid lots of oil so dat dey don’t loosen out)
And not so appealing brown colored socks (knee length!) and equally disgusting pair of “Canvas” no we dint call dem “converse” back then!..
Teachers in school always said that v r different from da college teachers coz v care about u
We spoon feed u n stuff (like right : )
They gave us innumerable horrifying examples of such things and yea it turned out to b true
I mean in school I always knew wat the portion was for my forthcoming exams n in college im least bothered to evn know.. a day before my exams I juz manage to call up a nerd or da first benchers n get da portion.. hehehaha.. B-)
In school v were always given strange looks if we were seen talking to guyz
And in college u hug a guy in front of the teacher and dey just smile at u..
In school u were not “categorized” as babez, behenji’s or wannabes..
Step in college and ur divided just by the way u dress..
In school u dint really care if ur make-up was in place or ur hair looked right
In college the washroomz r filled with chicks trying to adjust deyre neckline(yea bringing it as low as it can get), brushing deyre hair etc etc..
in school there were “picnics” lasting only a day
(da camps got cancelld da year v stepped in)
Maybe dey knew how nasty v kids cud get :
And da most “fun” thing our school cud manage to think were water resorts *sighs*
Where da pools were yuck
Da food was yuck
Everything in short was yuck
But still v managed to have fun
(da only day when v cud sneak out n flirt wid ur seniors)
Well in college (thankfully im a good no a G.R.E.A.T college)
Der are camps.. yea yea study tours but then v know what v actually study out der lol
Der are no restrictions whatsoever
V can openly flirt wid guys gals (homosexuality isnt forbidden by our teachers :) )
And guys can “sit” wid u in ur rooms even if da teachers are watching
Andddd after the lights are out..umm.. yea u know!
Amazing rooms and equally amazing food
Full privacy of actions
Yaaay! ;)
Back in school der were “annual days”
here its THE college festival
In school I wud b all excited and took part in almost most of da events
Yea dance-drama n all ...
in coll I sit back and enjoy my position as the “audience”
And I don’t seem to mind it at all .. :P
As I feel the difference between dem I c da difference in myself too
The plaits are replaced by smooth straight hair (wich is kept open most of d times)..
The uniform is replaced by oh-so cool clothes
Da non-branded haversacks replaced by naaaice baggit bags
I carry a wallet now rather than stuffing the cash in my uniform pockets
N yea with almost ten times da cash wich I carried in school..
da most I cud spend in skool was 5rs for da vada pav (wich sucked) and 8rs for da coke
And now well …
Da expenditure has shot up and is almost reaching da sky!
Da guys from school don’t really treat me as a “sister” anymore
But don’t really try to flirt too coz dey know deyre still lame :P
When I meet someone from school dey give me “omg! Uve changed so much and u look so gr8” talks..
Da make up part is still unchanged though! Lol
As a school girl I was even scared to touch a cigarette and now.. well
Most of my posts are inspired when im smoking :)
I have changed a lot and so have my thoughts...
All thanks to da drastic variations in my life..
But the change is for good, I agree :)

2008-11-27T00:38:00.000-08:00

I look around.. the brightness of the room hurts my eyes..
The walls are painted white just like the restaurant v were in last night.
The doctor asked me not to think about it but I just can’t help it..
The “dinner date” as I remember was going on smoothly
U paid the bill even though I offered to share..
As v walked out from there u suggested a walk
It was around 10 p.m
Staying in the “city which never sleeps” it was really okay right?
As v were walking in some gloomy lane which I didn’t know about
I was a lil scared but then u held my hand and again it was all okay..
V talked about stupid stuff like why isn’t da sky pink? Wat if it really was etc etc..
V saw some eerily dressed people coming towards us but then that happened everyday right?
No it didn’t
They shot a taxi driver right there in front of us
It wasn’t really heroic of u to rush der and try to rescue him u know..
So without any thought I rushed after u
They were panicked to c us
U asked them who they were and y were they doing this?
They said its none of ur business
U tried to call an ambulance for help and as u took out ur cell they shot u
Shot u in the chest!
U fell instantly.. I was petrified ! I tried to lift u up and take u away from der
But they ask me to run
They are being “nice” by not shooting a “female” that’s wat they told me.
I ran with tears in my eyes and I heard a loud noise behind.
Da sound was deafening! I remember trying to shut my ears and falling down
After that im point blank.
Ur mom called me today and said ur body wasn’t found yet maybe it got burnt in the blast.
I heard her weeping and I couldn’t stop myself too.
U were such an important part of our lives and they took u away without a reason
Terrorism laid its hands on u too. My parents don’t let me touch the newspaper, they know what it is filled with.
I don’t know the number of people who were innocent yet killed just lik u.
It wasn’t important whether they are Hindus or Muslims.
At the end of the day they all are inhuman.
Merciless and heartless.
They don’t know what religion actually stands for!
Name a religion that will ask u to kill pointlessly.
None.

train-ed.

2008-11-24T22:55:00.000-08:00

My Tuesdays are planned..

Attend history lecture at 7 in da morning and den return back home groggy eyed..

It is da only lecture wich I actually look forward to every week.

not like I love the subject its just dat I love the professor lol.

Hez one stress buster.. talks about the most irrelavnt stuff on dis planet

And makes even a subject like “history” fun..

But thats not relevant either :p

So being a Tuesday today

i did da same thing.. attended da lecture

went to mcd wid my besty sipped on some coffee

(derz no good coffee shop close by so no other option!)

Well den im at andheri station waiting for da train to arrive

And der she is!

I get into the train with a lot of pushing dragging and “arey jaldi jao” by da aunties..

I rush to get a window seat but then its already taken :(

But then I do get a seat wich also feels like a novelty..

She sits opposite to me

I check her out (not in a perv way obviously)

Shes all dolled up

Lean body, picture perfect face with lots of eye make-up,shiny black heels, dark blue skinny jeans and a red halter top wich manages to hide nothing..

Im reminded of what im wearing

A loooooose striped tee with never ending sleeves, kaajal which is smudged by now,

Nice jeans though and my puma flip flops which I have been wearing since eternity..

Suddenly I feel underdressed by looking at her “attire”

But who cares!

She looks back and I look away.

Da bag which she is carryin (red again!) is huge enough to fit me in it

I continue observing..

Looks for her i-pod n finally gets it out

Her 80gb classic makes my nano feel too nano-ish

With a perfectly manicured nail (red yet again!) she browses thru her playlist

I change my track with my bitten-till-it-is-numb nail (thank god its black!)

Looks up at the fan which is so not happening for her make up which can melt with the heat.

Awww. *Tch tch*

Buries her face into her bag again and takes out a slim book

I wonder what is she reading

So to make her lift her book I take out mine..

Oh shes reading “pink and black”

And I beat her at dis one atleast by my “sea of poppies”(amitav ghosh)

Im feeling smarter yayaya

She looks at my book with a disgust but then im rejoicing! \:D/

i mean I don’t have any issues with people reading teen drama but then not atleast when ur over 20!

Her cell rings (ringtone being “its raining men” *sigh*)

With a voice loud enough for everyone to hear she says “hey hon wassup?”

The conversation has countless omg’s! and oh fuck’s! blaah blaah

And den suddenly her voice goes low like shes discussing a CBI mission o sumthin

“ u know dis guy at enigma was totally over me last night” and “he said Im the prettiest girl hes ever met!!”” (read dumbest too)

Da call gets disconnectd coz derz so netwrk in da train and she frowns again.

Bandra arrives and miss high-maintenance gets up

My guinea pig walks out

i can hear her heels going “klink klonk” against the steel of the floor..

im glad im nothing of it.. not even close!

an empty seat beside me...

2008-11-19T03:22:00.000-08:00

There you are smiling at me, i smile back and as I turn around my smile turns into a frown.. I roll my eyes and walk away.. I don’t really want to know which guy is hugging u currently..
Wat made u hate us? Leave us?
Was is us? Or was it u?
Is it bcoz v dnt hav guyz in our group (were u dat desperate?) or dat v don’t sleep around wid random people or v dnt change our boyfrnz lik v change our toothbrushes? V don’t hang around at ur place 24/7 like dey do? V refrain from wearing black? V don’t dope? V don’t smell of cigarettes all the time? V don’t pretend to like sumthin juz bcoz everyone likes it?
R u scared of having true frnz in ur life? Or do u just think v r not good enough?
V may not be the oh-so-cool kinda people but then I hate being snobbish lik them.. don’t u know dat? I thought I knew u in and out till u walked off..
When i asked u about the trip u assured me dat u would definitely stay with us.. n den u even got pissed and yelled at me saying wat kind of a question was dat?
But then wat happened? As I walkd into the train y were u with “them”?
Y were u in deyre room? Y were u sitting with dem in da bus? Y were u hanging around with them instead of us?
Nupz said she missed u n u replied wid a ‘miss u too’ but a blant one! One widout any feelings or significance.. r u dat cold now?
I remember the old times when u cried with me,shopped with me, called me ur soul-sister,made pasta for me, returning back from college early just to get da takeaways from candies and den swiping off the lasagne in a minute n well den fighting over the chicken salad juz bcoz it was soooo yummm!, our first cigarette! , the way u hugged me each time we met.. it was all so gr8.. even after watevr happnd I thought u’d always come back to ‘me’ atleast..
U know im not good at expressing my feelings but then cudnt u c dat I wanted u?
U were in need of people but then u never gave us a call. U know v wudve rushed to ur place and helped u out..
It was just a phone call away! One phone call cudve stopped us from growing apart. It cud have made our bond stronger.. it wud’ve stopped me from writing this..one phone call n da story wudve been different.. but then u chose them over us..
Dats is whr ur problem lies.. u move on too quickly in life..boyfrnz,frnz whoevr it is u can move on.. unlike me.
I still want us to be together like earlier times but no! u moved on yet again.. u moved on so ahead dat u even forgot my bday..
der u are walking wid da eye-candy whom u think “loves” u and ur face-book status says *ur name*-is going gaga over him :D
But then whom do u need to wake u up? Hes not the right guy!
Will u listen to me? Do I still have the right to yell at u? I really don’t know..
I watched u laughing with them as I cried in the backseat, I heard ur voice and fell silent.. suddenly ur lingo is just like theirs, ur clothes are juz like theirs, u hav stopped eating!,u smoke a lot like ur addicted to it, u wanna be perfect juz lik dem,ur eye-make up suddenly changed from shades of pink to black..u have become ONE of them! Im worried for u I really am..Alas! I cant say anything can I? derz an empty seat beside me..

5 Gulliver's!! ;-)

2008-11-17T07:02:00.000-08:00

i woke up almost half an hour late! rubbed my eyes got dressed in a hurry n left my house with a bang..
as we boarded the train..waved our goodbyes.. the trip began..
there we were all smiley faced with happiness that no one could take off from our five faces!
the train startd n so did our chatter.. being the foodies that v all are v carried loads of stuff to hog on.. variety of mom-cooked recipes were exchanged n everyonez mom was praised and hailed for the awsome food!
snacks were stacked in two huge bags! after all our parents thought that it was a 24hrs journey n v will need so much of food na?
wat did they think we were? elephants? lolx..
n v had carried so much of food due to one reason v thought dat the tour managers will provide us with the blant n yucky food which is served in the train but then hey wat we dint know was that they had already bought packed lunch for us wich
super yumm :( n we cudnt eat much of it bcoz v had home-made food with us remember? haha...well well but then this was happening wid us so no big deal! v finished off evrything in a day :p...
played cards, spoke about evrything dat was possible, bitched about every person in sight n hardly slept in da night..
v reached b'lore station next morning n den left for mysore by bus.. it was a four hour journey and v slept through it..
later v were alotted our rooms and were asked to report at 3.30.. n den v were all gettin freshend up and the lights went off!! i mean ok it was 2-2.30 pm but still it was hell irritating! v swore at the hotel-wala people and being wat we are.. like always v were late.. v always wanted i mean always wanted the last two rows of seats for "us".. five galz n ten seats! lolx.. v went to the mysore palace and were awestruck by its beauty.. the patience with wich the palace was built was truly respectable.. minute details spoke of beauty.. and den v went to da brindavan gardens n saw the amazing water fountains! dey wer so so awsome!..
we returned back to the hotel at night had our dinner and then were lazing in da hotel lobby at 12 in da nigh! wearing our pj's! da receptionist gave us odd stares but like who cared..
next day had to be hectic.. again v had to travel for 3 hrs!
v left for shravanbelagola a jain pilgrim in the south... wierd i know lolx..as v reached the spot.. v were surprised infact shocked by the information wich our manager told us..we had to climb 650 steps! imagine waking up from sleep and climbing such a hieght! :o..my frnz bought dumb wired hats as it wud be sunny and ok at first they were embarrsd by the thought of wearng dem but then after a while it was all ok n dey actualy looked cute.. luckily i had a hoodie with my top ...v started climbing.. v got tired n panty in just a few steps and dats when v realized how "unfit" v actualy are! v took breaks in between and clicked pix of the kids passing by.. they looked at us as if v were foreigners! lolx..
as v reached the temple.. the climb was worth it!
the 58 feet high statue of gomateshwara was breath-taking! it was so huge!! all craved out of a mountain!
den after v got down v were served lunch in a garden! it was so cute n nice.. i mean eating out in da nature wid ur best pals! n well err.. ants lolx..
got into da bus .. no ran into da bus n got our last seats again! it was so nice to c d look of defeat on da faces of those snobs (creatures found in abundance esp. in my college) :P...
n den v went to halebid to the Hoysaleswara temple and Chennakesava Temple .. it was also made of stone n da architecture again was stunning! the guide however had a funny accent n half of the time was spent in laughing rather then listening :p ... by den v had had too much of temples and were dead tired as v left for mysore again (3hrs) n den a very embarrasing moment happend wid da five of us wich ahem ahem it cant be mentioned.. its a top secret lolx..
as v had a late dinner at the hotel der was a so called jam-session aka dj night.. blah! v went into da pub wearin pj's again.. lolx .. n came out in 5 mins it was soooo boring!
v had others plans u c! v went to our room got dressed up all nice n hot n had a jam-session in our room! v fagged,danced til v dropped, clicked pix n made videos n den finally slept at 3 :p..
n well v knew dat our reporting time next day was 6.30 am! n v woke up at 7.30.. all panicked n stuff i called a frn n she said that d timings were changed n it was 9 now.. phew*
got dressed and left for tipu sultans palace.. it was a modest palace and not much exciting so v stayed back in the gardens n clicked pix in all possible poses! huggin the trees n den d bollywood-style poses.. :P
v left for b'lore n dat meant a long never ending bus journey once again! v were dropped at m.g road wich was the shopping place of b'lore.. but then it was no different from mumbai.. countless brands,so many cute guys!,yaada yaada..
ok v were 45 mins late from da reporting time n v called the manager n he said dat d bus had left! i mean left widout us! but then u know being the brave people v are.. err... v took d autos n sumhow managed to reach b'lore station.. n den to our suprise no teacher yelled at us!.. v hopped into da train again for the 24 hr journey to home..
the trip changed our views about our teachers.. some people who v thought were snobs were actualy super-sweet.. :P
n der v wer again waving goodbyes n taking the sweet memories to cherish forever..!!

As I cheated...

2008-11-10T05:34:00.001-08:00

Hear a voice from deep inside

I cry and ask it to stop

It is the pang of guilt

As I cheated the dream we built

Infidelity took me away

From the guy I loved

As lust took its grace

Don’t know how could I forget your face

Maybe I hadn’t seen it coming

As I took the drastic step

It wasn’t even worth a try

But he was the conqueror and I was the pry

As it went unnoticed for sometime

It could have continued to be the same

But now I know where I belong

And I can’t do this any long

I told him that I didn’t need him anymore

And look what he did to me

He left me weeping in the dark

With all my painful wounds and marks

When you asked me about it

I told you I had a fall

You dint know what was the truth

I dint have the courage at all

Im clueless what to do next

I’m all wrapped up in my thoughts

Would you forgive me if u know

Or will I lose the grip and go?

never say die...

2008-11-10T05:32:00.000-08:00

Try to fly with broken wings
Even if it hurts or stings
Dark clouds will wither
But never say die

Try to fight with bleeding hands
Don’t care about anyone out on stands
Taste the pain
But never say die

Try to see when it’s all dark
Open you’re eyes and notice the sparks
The light will arrive
But never say die

Try to walk with broken limbs
Strained falls or painful limps
It’s all going to get straight
But never say die

Trial sounds better than death
It is what makes life worth
Dream to walk, see, survive and fly
But never say die....

unnoticed...

2008-10-26T01:49:00.000-07:00

She wasn’t born pretty.. she wasn’t born rich.. she was like any other girl

She was plain.. she was just too ordinary..

There was nuthin attractive about her.. people found her boring. She watched other people in groups and clans but she was a loner.. wat did she lack? She always thought but she didn’t realize that she was the only person who wasn’t pretending to be nice,sweet, hip in order to fit in.. she wore clothes that didn’t fit her.. they were either too flashy or too plain.. she decided to ask her dad for some money but when she tried to, he called her a “an ugly horse who dreamt of becoming a unicorn”…she cried that night and no one noticed..

At dinner her father would keep yelling at her as he found the food too salty, too sweet, tastless etc..this was the story every night.. Whatever she cooked displeased him.. she tried to make the best of recipes but sumthin was always wrong..one night they were having soup and den lik expected he said” is this wat u call a soup? Ratpee would taste better” she didn’t know from where she mustered up the courage to say “go help urself then”.. he was furious and he had tried to hit her but she pushed him off from the chair.. she saw him lying helpless on the floor.. it made her feel guilty but then she was glad that she had put a stop to it.. she cried the whole night thinking about her mom but no one noticed..

She cudnt understand what was happening around her.. people gave her stares which confused her.. she tried to hold her head high and walk but each time she passed from sumwhere she cud hear whispers and laughs.. maybe they were amused or they were mocking at me she thought.. but she could never figure out wat made her so different from them??

one day after college she was walkin through the parking lot when she heard some giggles.. it didn’t click to her that her car was being damaged.. as she saw it she let out a screech.. she was shocked to see spraypaint all over her car and on a closer look she realized it had “i am ugly” written over it.. she sat there crying yet no one noticed…

the day she saw him she cudnt help but stare! He seemed so flawless.. he was new to her class..she was trying to read what was written on blackboard when all of a sudden she heard his voice.. he seemed lost wich made him luk lik a cute lil kid..as days went by she just couldn’t stop thinking about him.. her each activity was related to him.she blushed as he walked past her..she loved his bright smile.. she loved the way he was so laid back about things.. she loved his voice.. for the first time a guy had this kind of effect on her.. she was confused and helpless.. how she wished he would say hi to her like he did to the other girls of her class..how she wished she could be noticed by him..

He walked into her class again but this time he was with a girl..

She was filled with jealousy! She longed to stand next to him.. his hand around her waist.. but then it wasnt me she thought.. its her!

They sat ahead of her and wat she saw was disturbing.. he was playing with da bimbo’s hair.. lukin into her eyes and talking oh-so flirtatiously!! She was crying again and no one noticed..

She kept crying till her eyes were swollen.. she took a look in the mirror and at that time she also started to feel she was “ugly” just like her father thought.. just like “the guy” thought… just lik everyone else thought.. it shattered her confidence.. she wasn’t ugly by choice she thought.. y was it so difficult for her to lead a normal life? She kept thinking until the day she was found dead in her bathroom.. her wrists were bleeding but there was a smile over her face.. the word "ugly" was left behind..

someone did notice her at last.. she was happy to leave dis pretty-person’s world.. .. maybe she was finally free..

maybe she was finally free..

me thinketh..........

2008-10-20T05:13:00.000-07:00

Umm.. well I hav this thing good or bad
Whenever I hear a song I try to connect to it and random thoughts fill up my mind… herez how it goes (did dat sound lik rap? :s)

Mcfly’s lola Lo-lo-lo-lo lola plays n me thinketh..
Its about homosexuality..
Is it really abnormal or sumthing to be a gay?
Girls falling for girls or guys falling for guys is a big no- no!!.. hawww..!! wtf? N stuff lik dat…
I mean okay Im straight..
but is it their fault dat dey dnt hold “interests” in the opposite sex?
Where da hell did freedom of choice vanish?
Y cant v just accpt it? Is it dat terrible or terrifying?
Wat is it?
And it continues “Well I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is lola”

Lilly allen’s littlest things plays n me thinketh
*sniff*
Past relations *sighs*..
a part of my fading memories…
relationships are an indispensable part of one’s life...
it sets me wondering that how destiny can change the fate of even the strongest of relationships.
I remember the huge smile that would set across his face when he saw me walking towards him n today the same face was expressionless after seeing me… the same person whom I couldn’t sleep without talking to n today I couldn’t muster up the courage to even smile at him or say hi…the guy I loved n lost..
And it conitnues..
“The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?”

Marilyn Mansonz*hail* “this is Halloween” plays n me thinketh…
Well he might creep u out and hez hell good at it!
But one thing is for sure he will make u taste the bitter truth of this forsaken world..he hits it where it hurts..
The first time I saw his picture it kinda gave me creeps too but his music had taken me and der was no turning back..
Is it bad or sumthing to be a goth/emo/loner and speak wat u realy feel?
Is it? Is it really necessary to be a pretty delicate picture?
Its not just the black lipstick dat makes a goth it has a more deeper significance..!! it continues..
“I am the one hiding under your bed
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red
I am the one hiding under yours stairs
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair
This is Halloween, this is Halloween”

Princess superstar’z quit smoking song plays n me thinketh…
Well.. is it a taboo for girls to smoke?
Gosh! Guyz can do it in the open and when v girlz do it v get nasty stares
People see u as a brat..bad girl.”outline”.blah blah..
Living in a metro dusnt help either..
Its ok if u wanna give me advice to stop smoking but y do u hav to snatch it away from my mouth eh? *pissed off*
Y? y? y? damn! Derz a hole in my tee as I drop it!
Its my life and so wat if it kills me ? I cud die in an accident too atleast it confirmz a slow death.. it continues…
“Well this is the hundredth, billionth time I've tried to quit
So sick of it, wait, shit, I gotta cough and spit
I was a bitch before but now a triple bitch, bitch, bitch”

Hit me baby one more time (da blink182 version) plays n me thinketh..
Britney spears!
Wat hell happened to her??
Der was a time when teenage guyz around da globe had crushes on her and teenage galz looked upto her.. her songs inspite of being senseless but were big time hits! She was at the top and boom! She crashed…
Y did she turn into such a cow?
Agreed she was dumb back then too but now shes reached the heights!
And y? who knws.. v get fun by mocking at her isn’t dat gr8?? *pissed off yet again*
It continues
“ My loneliness is killin me (and I)
I must confess I still believe (still believe)
When Im not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time!”

Check yes Juliet by we the kings plays n me thinketh
*true love*
Is it just a myth in todays world?
Or did it ever exist in the past too?
Does it just exist in books and songs?
Can guys really “fall” in love and evn if that happens does true love come with a guarantee dat it will succeed? Why does the society have unrealistic norms about couples..
why does love fade with time? Can u really sacrifice everything for love?
It continues…
“run baby run
don't ever look back
they'll tear us apart
if you give them the chance
don't sell your heart
don't say we're not meant to be
run baby run
forever will be
you and me”

Patience by GnR plays n me thinketh…
From where did I get so much of patience to write this blog?
And from where wil u get da patience to read it?
:p
It continues..
..little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more patience, yeah)

Now me thinketh I need to upgrade by playlist :o
Over n out
B-)

Jai hyped!…

2008-10-01T23:56:00.000-07:00

My college “jai hind college, mumbai” receives just too much of hype than it actually deserves…

There are times when u feel lost in the college filled with people...

Each person is stereotyped in our college..

U wear black and keep giving dangerous stares all the time and ur ‘in’

U go feet licking everyone and ur ‘in’ sum or the other college unions..

but

u step into the college with anything that’s common be it a tee,haircut, bag.. or whatever...u become a ‘sidey’..

Oh well yea talkin in hindi also makes u a ‘sidey’

Lik v care..duh!

Then comes sdu-social and dramatic union

Well in my opinion deyre juz ‘dramatic’ nuthin else..

All of them I mean just all of them luk and dress alike!!

Its lik dey hav a secret dress code or sumthin..

Dey always hav that “v r juz got up in the morning and sum space ship dropped us into the college” kinda look…

They think no end of themselves …

Theyre kinda confusing.. most of the guys frm ‘sdu’ luk lik girls and vice versa…

No matter how well dressed a person is dey give u a luk wich says ‘u luk lik shit today’

Baaaah… wish sumone wud just convey my message to dem dat ‘dude u luk lik shit too.’

Talking to them is worthless… :|

And den there are these girls who dress up lik dey’re here for a ramp walk…

Palm-size shorts,layers and layers of make-up n stuff lik dat.. I always wonder how do dey travel man!

But this college has given me the ‘I don’t care a thing about u ‘ attitude and my utterly awesome friends..

It may sound absurd even though I don’t ‘love’ my college but each time someone says ‘my college is better than urs’ I just shut dem up by listing out all the positives about my college…

each time someone asks me ‘which college are u from?’

I say with pride ‘ jai hind college’

And dey go wow! And all.

they’re lik ur very lucky to be a part of jai hind..

Do I sound lucky? Lol

I’ll be leaving my college this year and

I will miss my college.. no matter how much I crib il still miss it.. All the judging people and passing comments sitting in the cafeteria with my friends..

Talking infact yelling and giggling in the reading room and being thrown out from there by the peon..

History lectures..

The graffiti of the teachers and random people during the lectures..

Sleeping in corridors!

Playing unlimited ‘bingo’ in all the boring lectures..

Thinking of hundred ways to escape a psychology lecture…

Cheese masala pav.. (its da best thing) and the list never ends..

This college gave me self confidence to speak up..

To walk with my head held high.. not be bothered if u dnt get attention from the opposite sex!

Almost all the guys in my coll luk gay..

So there is no point.. lol!

its just the hype which might attract u to the college but once u are in the coll its not all that great..

my college n i share a love- hate relationship and it continues....

imperfections

2008-09-28T01:33:00.001-07:00

its ok to dress up funny...
its ok to gain a few pounds...
its ok to feel too lazy to excercise...
It’s ok to skip a bath...
It’s ok to believe in superstitions as long as they make you happy…
It’s ok to be obsessed with Ur looks...
It’s ok to hug Ur friends at each departure...
It’s ok feel ashamed of urself sometimes...
It’s ok to act like a 3 year old In front of the person u love...
It’s ok to yell in middle of the road...
It’s ok to feel lonely at times...
It’s ok pamper urself...
It’s ok to shop ur guts out...
It’s ok to fall off laughing from ur chair over a silly joke...
It’s ok to drop Ur fork while eating...
It’s ok to fumble while talking...
Its ok to stammer and make a fool out of urself in front of ur crush..
Its ok to blush widout a reason...
Its ok to cry over a big red pimple when u hav a date nxt day...
Its ok to look in the mirror every ten minutes...
Its ok to eavesdrop...
Its ok to crib about everything that comez ur way...
Its ok to wish n long for a super-natural power...
Its ok to be crazzzzzy about chocolates...
And its ok to smear the chocolate all over ur face while eating..
Its ok to act lik u belong to some other planet...
Its ok to laugh at urself…
its ok to love "pink"...
Its ok to believe in faries and angels and demons….
And finally its ok to write a blog when u cant write et el :p
Don’t be tied up just bcoz what 'others' may think
Its useless to live a life which is full of concerns all the time
And ders no point in lukin all composed when wat u realy want is freedom..
Break free from being perfect
The more u try to be perfect the more boring u become
Accpt ur flaws and love them…
And yea this is coming from a person who cares a lot about others opinions but deep inside I dnt giv a damn..
It may sound absurd but its ok to break free.. its ok to let out ur emotions
Go out and Express urself…
live ur life the way u want to.. shape it up according to ur wish..
dont let others decide for u..
be a lil selfish when it comes to u...

Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections.-
Saint Francis de Sales

SIX PENCE ALL RICHER!! (i hope u knw wat im talkin abt)

2008-09-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

The five fanatics.. dats how I wud describe my uber kewl frnz! (6th one being myslf)

Err.. im self obssessd so I hav to write sumthin about myslf
Dey call me perry I call myslf perry..so im perry
Dis is wat I luv doin.. twisting words n crackin not-so-funny jokes…
Shoppin is my shrink!
Im obssessd wid da mirror..
So wat?
:|

Sorted u guyz according to da alphabetical order.. ( lik u wud care) :p

First comez narjisssss….
Oh gawd dis girl is wacky tacky snappy n hell lotta things
Bubbling with unlimited energy..
She can make even a stone laugh wid her humour!
Man..! n if shes planning to get nasty she can kill u wid her sarcasm..
Her obsession wid ‘bums’ ahem ahem*
Shez a pro in givin namez… well double decker being called double dukkar.. n so on..
Lurrrrvvvvvs srk (sr-gay)
N yea she feels “down to earth" if shez not wearin her favvv.. heels
Omg! She can imitate anyone.. da best is our pt teachr lol..
Blah!
V r apparantley married… yeey!! My wifey! Mwaah

Den comez nupur…
Alryyyyyyyyyyt…
She can cry at da drop of a feather.. no! u dnt even need a hat for dat matter :p
well baby dnt wory I lub u too :p…
Ur my ex-y but I stil luv u :-*
Lol!
Ok so nupur is a person who can make u deaf if she decides to yell..
Narjis’s joke making partner.. dnt knw where do dey come wid such hilarious stuff..
she gets real pissed when v pass commntz at lame people..coz dats da only thing v do.. oder dan eating,sleeping and breathing.. :P
nupur is a sweet sweet sweetheart..
she shops practically every week but still cribs dat 'no clothes only yaa..' ( juz like me)
Always I mean always stops me frm getting into bad thingz even when I want to do dem
(stop thinkin lik a perv)
Mwaah!

Nxt in da line is Ushma ( r u happy dat im not writin a poem? ) :|
Oooozma! Susuma.. osama!
V all lurrrv distorting her name
Da only person in our group whom I havnt seen cryin
(gosh! Im getting obssessd wid cryin too :p)
Sumtimez I cant figure her out..
At one moment she’ll laugh the loudest at my not-so funny joke but then when it is actually a funny one she’l hav a straight face.. grr!
My partner in hogging..
Oh gosh! V can actually beat any glutton eva to b born B-)
V hav swiped off Countless plates of idlis rasam and curd rice at café mysore…( if da owner is readin “ saaar.. v need a membership card”)
shez da founder of *ushmaism*
v da followerz r named *pinkies* ;(
{n if I tell u norms of ushmaism fainting is hell easy..}
Ps: rumours say v r dating too ;)
Pps: ushma read dis.. “ jo zindagi me kuch nahi banta who scholar banta hai” it’s a fact
Deal wid it!” *acts lik I dint say dat*
Mwaaaaah

tym for da 5th meeember.. vaishnavi (coco)
ooo..oo…
well her name might remind u of sumone shy..reserved.. timid yaada yaada
but!! Shez is nuthin of dat sort *phew*
she is dis crazeeee chick wid tattoos ( im jealous)
uses da word fcuk instead of a full stop..
can talk non-stop
callin her a chatterbox wud be THE right thing..she can yap for hours togeda!
her hindi omg! Amazing is not da word *smirks* lol
I luve her to da core!
She may get influenced quickly but a real gem of a person
“U wnt beliv wat happnd! “ is her taglyn..
U can pour ur heart out to her n she’l make sure she helps u in sum or da oder way
I heart yew.. mwaah!

Last but da baast (I mean best..it wudnt rhyme so… :p)
O_o
my bestieeeeee….
Peeeeeba..
(V luv talkin lik v r 5 :o)
Omg omg! I luv her hair ( supa kewl curls)
Keeps on giggling for random reasons ( she wil giggle again aftr readin dis)
Daydreamz most of da time…
Writes well but dusnt want to accpt it :|
Cleanliness freak! Big time…
Obsessed wid f.r.i.e.n.d.s!! luvz joey..
Finda happinees in smallest of things
Our graffiti queen.. hail!
My sponge! ( I cry a lot too ) :p
Ooh ooh shes got a realy bad temper..(i try to hide weneva shes mad at me)
But I simply lub her!
Mwaah!

Eeeem.. well dats MY honey bunch of frnz..
Im realy gonna miss u guyz..
Vr getting separated at da end of dis academic year ;( ;( ;(
im gonna miss being wid yawl..
wat else do i need wen i hav u guyz.. :P
U make my day.. u make my life!

yea n lik vibha said.. ur memories WILL haunt me thru out my lyf! :P (edittin is done)

<3
Bearhugz to awl da five of u… >:D<
Ps: v all r straight ok? :P

when u shot me...

2008-09-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

all my thoughts are burning down
darkness starts enveloping me
the bullet seeps through my flesh
how unforgiving could you be?

you knew how shattering it was
why did you have to shoot me then
he was just a friend of mine
a pure relation put to end..

you thought that i betrayed you
but i could never give you pain
please baby don't cry now
nothing can bring me back again

my blood starts oozing out
i take a last look at you
couldn't you see my petrified eyes
or hear my endless pleadings too?

as my heart comes to a halt
my body grows cold in dew
the angst in me i leave behind
with all the love i gave you

as my soul wanders around
i know you'll miss me terribly too
but I'll be there every night
just to whisper 'i love you'

for you..:P

2008-09-24T01:11:00.001-07:00

things went wrong making me cry
felt so locked,wanted to die
i had no reason left to smile
all my tears and fears compiled

you stepped into my silently
i was too weak to notice or see
who you were or why you came
i was trapped in my shells of guilt and shame

people tried but all in vain
i was engrossed with my pain
finally after a long while
you gave me a path to reconcile

a smile was bought to my face
you understood my every gaze
all my worries seemed to end
in you, i found a friend

as time flew, we became close
with you i had nothing to fake or pose
you made me blush, you made me laugh
that's when i knew this was love

holding you would give me peace
the warmth of your arms would bring me ease
endless memories we shall cherish together
coz i have you now and nothing else matters....

the oak tree

2008-09-23T08:32:00.000-07:00

Cold chilly dusk

As I sit under the oak tree

Missing you’re presence

All the memories entrapping me

The first time we met

I couldn’t take my eyes off you

The way your eyes gleamed

I was swept off without a clue

I still remember

The night you said “I love you”

The way you held me

I felt safe I felt true

our first kiss under the oak tree

my heart leaped and bounced

I felt like never letting you go

All my inhibitions denounced

On our wedding day

I felt all jittery and scared

But then u stood by my side

Perfectly paired.

You completed me in every way

We fought we cried

Endless number of times

But the love never died

I loved the silence

When you were asleep

the warmth of your breath

touching me in deep

the oak tree was our hideaway

a place where it would be just u and i

no parenting hassles

no more tantrums or cries

the way we could speak for hours

even after so many years

the sound of your husky voice

could disturb my perfect poise

the last three months of ur life

were painful for both of us

how could I just let u go

it was unfair it unjust

I couldn’t take the truth

That u were leaving me

The fact that u were dying

I just couldn’t see

The last night in the hospital

U took me in ur arms

And we were sixteen again

Glowing with power and warmth

next morning when u closed your eyes

I felt lost and empty

As your heart stopped

It got more and more difficult for me

Today when I sit here

Thinking of u my beloved

A tear rolls down my cheek

U were the only one I loved..

2008-09-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

End of life
Tears streaming down my eyes
you went away saying you’re done
making me feel numb and alone
my love has been sacrificed
I’ll have to end my life

I seek through the drawers
it shines, it gleams
putting an end to all my dreams
it’s a knife!!
I’ll have to end my life

My hand shivers, heart quivers
with pain and fear
everything I see is so unclear
none of your traces left behind
I’ll have to end my life

The moment of agony
I take it closer and there it goes
the nerve is cut and out the blood flows
all is done in just a swipe
ending my pain and ending my life….