The bottled nobody.

Her hair was tied up in a messy bun, a few loose strands were sticking out just like her hope.

Eyes bright as the streetlights and pupils, the size of elephants.

Her hands were shaking as the screen of her phone light up.

Couldn't be him. Shouldn't be him.

It wasn't. Again.

She closed her eyes tightly and inhaled in some of the sea breeze. Sharp, saline and full of memories.

She could see his face, almost angelic. His lively eyes, his not so perfect nose, his week old stubble, his perfectly full lips and his crooked half smile.

The smoke coming out of her lips formed an unclear shape. Something she couldn't name. Well, even if it had a real name, she wouldn't remember it. Always forgetting what she didn't like.

Cigarettes were her emotional dumbbells or so she had thought of before lighting this one.However when it started leaving a bitter taste in her mouth, she threw it away.

Wishing silently that it would start a fire, somewhere.

Like the made one start, in her belly. Pill one. Slow death. Pill two. Funeral.

Her head felt light between her hands but she just couldn’t let the tears come out. There were no two ways about it, it was the only option. The right and rational option.

She had left or had he?

She looked up at the summer sky, bright orange, clear and harmless. The ambitious waves kept trying to reach her feet but ran out of their will midway. Just like him. She had to return to them.

2 am. Her eyes are weary and tired. Of waiting and wanting. She put her phone away and got into the covers. She light up one of the three joints lying scattered to the headboard’s left. It made her smile how everything she thought was a sign and couldn’t see the obvious ones. The night was warm and humid. The smoke made it worse. Her sweat and tears started almost at the same time, just like their kisses would. She touched her stomach over her t-shirt and laughed at the thought how her own body had betrayed her. An hour went by as her head shredded off all the weight, a little at a time. She could almost see him. He was looking at her and giving her his best smile. Sitting there with a guitar in his white linen shirt and faded blue denims. Hair tousled and nails bitten.

No she couldn't be closing her eyes, not now. She could almost hear him singing their song. In his buttery voice.

we saw a storm from far away 
and we laughed as it wandered by
then it turned around to hunt us down
so we ran away to hide
and she said
love don't leave me now.

Her fight had ended. Eyes had lost. He was gone.