Thursday, August 22, 2013

Only so much.

           Somewhere in the battle between false alarms of the heart and reality checks of the mind, you tend to forget what love is supposed to feel like.
When love seemed to barely exist, we didn't let the boat sail through the storm. Only to know that we'd never have the chance to unchain it from the shore.
How conveniently we placed the unrequited love on top of the line against the likes of love which could save us from all the pain and drama.
You grew to think of the love you never got, as the love you must have. That it would be your only shot at happiness.

           Then began the constant struggle to relight the fire, rekindle the spark. To change anything and everything to make it happen because to you, you were just right for him.Consequently came a point where you were out of matches and this only brought a calmer sea in your head.
This is when slowly the memories stopped shaking your core. Gradually your heart grew stronger. This time all by itself. Your hand stopped aching to be held and you stopped tracing back to him in every breathing thought. You realized memories are just that. You began to forget the bitter details even so the sweet ones. You stopped blaming him for breaking you and you know now that it was the only healthy thing to do. You forgave him.
You still love him but not like you used to and your frenzied, obsessive ways have been tamed. Thank god for that.You began to recollect the mistakes you've made far better that the ones he did. Then you forgave yourself.

         The bell jar above your head and heart dissolved, you accepted things with more humility than grief. You took the biggest needle and burst the bubble you once found comfort in. It's a story that is taking time to fade in your mind but you know it'll be fine.

         Relationship hopping was my thing until I met you.You changed that and you changed me. It took a while to get here, to see I wasn’t the same perry in your eyes anymore.Love after love drained the romance out of me. Innocence had left the building leaving a few traces here and there. Maybe it is true, maybe you really have to lose everything to start afresh.
You stopped me from going over the edge and turning again into the emotional monster I once was.

         At the end of all this I know we were two people who saw the best and worst in each other. Who once built their lives around each other. Two solid,good people but only their balance wasn't right. The timing wasn't great and the ropes loosened up at different times. I finally learned that there's only so much you can do to unlock a once closed heart.