Thursday, August 21, 2014


All my I love yous will be wrapped in a hello 
Like my legs were, with yours. 

All the cold sighs will be locked in an instant 
Like my lips were, with yours. 

longing stares with be shortened 
Like my sorrows were, with you.

The butterflies will be pinned down 
Like my body was, by yours. 

And my heart will wander and mind will be unsettled 
Like my eyes would, looking for you.

little by little, 
you took away a lot of me. 
and little by little, 
I walked away from the fire.
from the one burning me,
to the one burning in me. 

Saturday, April 19, 2014

2 a.m thoughts.

Sitting here after an exhausting day I'm on the phone, trying to answer the most confusing question "Why did he leave?" Honestly, I don't know. Of course that's not what I tell her because that's not what women do. Instead I tell her that's what men do. That's how they are. 
I know this isn't true. 
I firmly believe that people don't break relationships, situations do. Though what the situations make of them, is entirely their choice. And if the situations have made them a shithead, please show them the door. 

I've been dealing with a break up for over two years now. I've heard people say that when it hurts for too long, there comes a time when you just snap out of it.
I'm not sure if I don't want to be in love. I'm aware that this decision could be a disastrous one but life's too short to not love anyone, at any point. 
Though I've stopped asking the questions. I hope every woman I know, who's dying over her man, stops asking the wrong questions. 
These questions include "Am I too ugly for him?" "Is it the weight?" "Was it my fault that I spoke to xyz guy which led to a fight?" "Why isn't he calling/texting back?" etc etc
By asking these questions you're not only demeaning yourself but these are the things that REALLY don't matter. 
You could change everything about yourself and he'd still not love you.
Simply because that's not how this relationship thing works as contrary to what we've been told. 
There's no makeover that could bring him back to what he was in the chasing days. 

Don't construct your world around him unless he's doing the same. In any case, it's harmful. Why? because the relationship is not your identity, it's just a part of it.
Speak up, dress up and do whatever you feel is right without the constant fear of your man. However, do it because you want to and not to spite him. If fear is the driving force of your relationship, please reconstruct it.
Stop fooling and blaming yourselves. Stop trying to make him something he's not and don't try to be something you're not. You are in love. Not in an experiment. 

Instead ask if his contributions are significant in your life. If you've let him in, is he nourishing your life in any way. 
Whether he's stunting your growth and line of thought. 
If you turned up at your worst, would he be there? Not ready with a 'told-you-so' but with a could-crush- your-bones hug. 
If you have to give up on something for him, would he do the same for you, when the time comes?
If you have to give time to other priorities would he be patient? exactly the way he expects you to?

Healthy relationships, as I've come to understand, are more about the right balance and less about having the upperhand. 
And in them, there's no such thing as being only the giver or receiver. Unless you find that person, don't settle. 
Settling for something you don't deserve is as weak as running away.
Be strong, focused and fearless because that's all you need to be. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

There's nothing much enticing
Than a journey made with fire.
Let me inside again.
Where I'll meet your ignited mind
And restless heart.
Tell me stories of you
The valour of your unsettling soul
When the dark corners of your mind,
Were the only ones who you spoke to.
Let me take your heart and glue it back
And I promise not to miss the bruised edges.
This time around give me your hand
And I'll hold it tighter
Each time you run,
I'll run with you.
Be my fire, be it.
Tell my mind it's wrong to think
'what if you're the labyrinth,
The one I'll never figure out?
When to you
I am,at most, a difficult but 90% solved crossword?
Lying in some corner, given up upon.'

Monday, November 18, 2013


It took a while
but he did well
he got in and you let him.

He taught your mind
your heart
and your body
to stay put.
Around him.
Or was it all you?

And now you have to unlearn him.

Unlearn his words
his touch
his smell
and his kisses.

Ripping yourself into pieces
or waging a war
or dipping yourself into fire
All of it seems relatively easier.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Only so much.

           Somewhere in the battle between false alarms of the heart and reality checks of the mind, you tend to forget what love is supposed to feel like.
When love seemed to barely exist, we didn't let the boat sail through the storm. Only to know that we'd never have the chance to unchain it from the shore.
How conveniently we placed the unrequited love on top of the line against the likes of love which could save us from all the pain and drama.
You grew to think of the love you never got, as the love you must have. That it would be your only shot at happiness.

           Then began the constant struggle to relight the fire, rekindle the spark. To change anything and everything to make it happen because to you, you were just right for him.Consequently came a point where you were out of matches and this only brought a calmer sea in your head.
This is when slowly the memories stopped shaking your core. Gradually your heart grew stronger. This time all by itself. Your hand stopped aching to be held and you stopped tracing back to him in every breathing thought. You realized memories are just that. You began to forget the bitter details even so the sweet ones. You stopped blaming him for breaking you and you know now that it was the only healthy thing to do. You forgave him.
You still love him but not like you used to and your frenzied, obsessive ways have been tamed. Thank god for that.You began to recollect the mistakes you've made far better that the ones he did. Then you forgave yourself.

         The bell jar above your head and heart dissolved, you accepted things with more humility than grief. You took the biggest needle and burst the bubble you once found comfort in. It's a story that is taking time to fade in your mind but you know it'll be fine.

         Relationship hopping was my thing until I met you.You changed that and you changed me. It took a while to get here, to see I wasn’t the same perry in your eyes anymore.Love after love drained the romance out of me. Innocence had left the building leaving a few traces here and there. Maybe it is true, maybe you really have to lose everything to start afresh.
You stopped me from going over the edge and turning again into the emotional monster I once was.

         At the end of all this I know we were two people who saw the best and worst in each other. Who once built their lives around each other. Two solid,good people but only their balance wasn't right. The timing wasn't great and the ropes loosened up at different times. I finally learned that there's only so much you can do to unlock a once closed heart.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

For days with zero motivation to look at the brighter side.