Saturday, April 19, 2014

2 a.m thoughts.

Sitting here after an exhausting day I'm on the phone, trying to answer the most confusing question "Why did he leave?" Honestly, I don't know. Of course that's not what I tell her because that's not what women do. Instead I tell her that's what men do. That's how they are. 
I know this isn't true. 
I firmly believe that people don't break relationships, situations do. Though what the situations make of them, is entirely their choice. And if the situations have made them a shithead, please show them the door. 

I've been dealing with a break up for over two years now. I've heard people say that when it hurts for too long, there comes a time when you just snap out of it.
I'm not sure if I don't want to be in love. I'm aware that this decision could be a disastrous one but life's too short to not love anyone, at any point. 
Though I've stopped asking the questions. I hope every woman I know, who's dying over her man, stops asking the wrong questions. 
These questions include "Am I too ugly for him?" "Is it the weight?" "Was it my fault that I spoke to xyz guy which led to a fight?" "Why isn't he calling/texting back?" etc etc
By asking these questions you're not only demeaning yourself but these are the things that REALLY don't matter. 
You could change everything about yourself and he'd still not love you.
Simply because that's not how this relationship thing works as contrary to what we've been told. 
There's no makeover that could bring him back to what he was in the chasing days. 

Don't construct your world around him unless he's doing the same. In any case, it's harmful. Why? because the relationship is not your identity, it's just a part of it.
Speak up, dress up and do whatever you feel is right without the constant fear of your man. However, do it because you want to and not to spite him. If fear is the driving force of your relationship, please reconstruct it.
Stop fooling and blaming yourselves. Stop trying to make him something he's not and don't try to be something you're not. You are in love. Not in an experiment. 

Instead ask if his contributions are significant in your life. If you've let him in, is he nourishing your life in any way. 
Whether he's stunting your growth and line of thought. 
If you turned up at your worst, would he be there? Not ready with a 'told-you-so' but with a could-crush- your-bones hug. 
If you have to give up on something for him, would he do the same for you, when the time comes?
If you have to give time to other priorities would he be patient? exactly the way he expects you to?

Healthy relationships, as I've come to understand, are more about the right balance and less about having the upperhand. 
And in them, there's no such thing as being only the giver or receiver. Unless you find that person, don't settle. 
Settling for something you don't deserve is as weak as running away.
Be strong, focused and fearless because that's all you need to be. 

1 comment:

so what do you 'think'?