Unlearn

It took a while
but he did well
he got in and you let him.

He taught your mind
your heart
and your body
to stay put.
Around him.
Or was it all you?

And now you have to unlearn him.

Unlearn his words
his touch
his smell
and his kisses.

Ripping yourself into pieces
or waging a war
or dipping yourself into fire
All of it seems relatively easier.

Only so much.

           Somewhere in the battle between false alarms of the heart and reality checks of the mind, you tend to forget what love is supposed to feel like.
When love seemed to barely exist, we didn't let the boat sail through the storm. Only to know that we'd never have the chance to unchain it from the shore.
How conveniently we placed the unrequited love on top of the line against the likes of love which could save us from all the pain and drama.
You grew to think of the love you never got, as the love you must have. That it would be your only shot at happiness.

           Then began the constant struggle to relight the fire, rekindle the spark. To change anything and everything to make it happen because to you, you were just right for him.Consequently came a point where you were out of matches and this only brought a calmer sea in your head.
This is when slowly the memories stopped shaking your core. Gradually your heart grew stronger. This time all by itself. Your hand stopped aching to be held and you stopped tracing back to him in every breathing thought. You realized memories are just that. You began to forget the bitter details even so the sweet ones. You stopped blaming him for breaking you and you know now that it was the only healthy thing to do. You forgave him.
You still love him but not like you used to and your frenzied, obsessive ways have been tamed. Thank god for that.You began to recollect the mistakes you've made far better that the ones he did. Then you forgave yourself.

         The bell jar above your head and heart dissolved, you accepted things with more humility than grief. You took the biggest needle and burst the bubble you once found comfort in. It's a story that is taking time to fade in your mind but you know it'll be fine.

         Relationship hopping was my thing until I met you.You changed that and you changed me. It took a while to get here, to see I wasn’t the same perry in your eyes anymore.Love after love drained the romance out of me. Innocence had left the building leaving a few traces here and there. Maybe it is true, maybe you really have to lose everything to start afresh.
You stopped me from going over the edge and turning again into the emotional monster I once was.

         At the end of all this I know we were two people who saw the best and worst in each other. Who once built their lives around each other. Two solid,good people but only their balance wasn't right. The timing wasn't great and the ropes loosened up at different times. I finally learned that there's only so much you can do to unlock a once closed heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnkzvAXWV-0

For days with zero motivation to look at the brighter side. 

5

You become like the five people you spend the most time with. Choose carefully.

I came across this quote today.
 If it were to be true, I would be creative, mature and ambitious. Well, at times i'd be lost as to where I'm going but then I'd steer back. I wouldn't mind being stubborn if it gets something done, for someone's good. I'd be cribbing at one moment and contradict my statement at the other. All because I've seen the storms to know that it'll go away.  I'd have a contagious laugh and would laugh at all of my best friends jokes because come on, she's hilarious. I'd love her in ways she wouldn't know. Always protective and always supportive. no judgments, no expectations.

I would be stylish, friendly and impulsive. I'd love to party but I'd hate alcohol to the bits. I'd love food like it's my job. I'd make over the top plans when I'm high. I'd have an unforgettable personality. I'd hold my friend when she's crying and love her without saying it. I'd be grounded and take each day as it comes with my warm smile.

I would be pretty but never admit it, intelligent and hardworking.I'd accept what life throws at me like a mature adult. I'd even accept death and loss like one. I'd be sensitive at times but I'll smile in the next minute. I'd also love my sibling unconditionally with all her flaws. 

I would fail at making any conversation sound boring, embrace the changes in my life with an envious calm and be strong hearted. I would be aware of the coolest things. I'd never let my success get to my head. I'd also forgive continuously but not necessarily eloquently. I'd be a person of details. I'd always look before I leapt. And look some more. I'd love to travel and find beauty in simplest of things. I'd be honest and straightforward, to the core.

I would be brotherly and unbrotherly. I'd tell a girl she's pretty and that she has a moustache. I'd always be there, always talk like a realist but i'd also break down if my lover said anything hurtful. I'd always find ways to go back to her because I'd believe that I could get this right only once. 

I don't know if this is true but if it were, how can I be anything short of awesome? 

I'm only grateful to know my super five. (cannot think of a cool name)

..

Today's inspiration came from

"Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best." Henry Van Dyke

So here's a little note from my phone which wouldnt have made it to
the blog due to excessive self criticism:

As i sit in a cozy brown seat, only beauty passes me by.
The lime green of the trees is better than my similarly coloured shoes.
The constant game of the waterfalls is better than any I've seen in a while.
Ofcourse the big fish eats the smaller one but it all ends in perfect harmony, I'm sure.
Endless raindrops pattern my window.Sometimes in a sublime,perfectly aligned pattern and sometimes in a muddy,frenzied one.
The trees play with my mind as they lean in to greet my train and I'm almost decide that I've not felt this welcome in a while. 
My sister's head rests on my arm as we silently look out of the window.
This silence, has been hard to find.

Listening to some good music, sipping on some surprisingly good coffee and eating jam rolls with her, as we watched and gasped at the sheer beauty of nature, I could say I had a good day.

Then there are days when you're out of your depth and staring at the window for a new post starts getting painful.
Not painful really, just unnatural. I'm at it since almost 8 and it's been 3 hours.

I watched amour, listened to some music and then watched friends with benefits. JUST BECAUSE IT WAS ON TV AND I HAD NOTHING TO WATCH WHILE DRINKING TEA. 

Point being, I had all the inspiration to write(friends with benefits not being on the list) and way too many thoughts piled up.
I just can't find the right filter for the ideas or the apt words.
I have no clue why am I even posting this gibberish but then I had to write. I just had to and this is NOT getting backspaced.