Her cigarette finds its way out of the golden box. She looks at the box for a while, the horrid picture of a man with something that looked like cancer, makes her light one with ever more ferocity.
Her tattered orange kolhapuris have walked a little more than they should have today. The wanderer left from nowhere to nowhere. She loved this. She got lost until she could feel the rush of being found. The happiness she felt was unmatched when each time someone was worried and came looking for her. She loved the almost teary eyes seconds before they let a sigh and called her name.
She was waiting for him this time. Doing the things he hated, doing whatever she could to get him looking for her.
She inhaled the smoke deeper than she usually would have, just to feel the smoke go down her wind pipe until her eyes closed on their own. Her throat felt dry and tongue,bitter. Just like his words. Time and again. It was difficult for anyone to accept that it was his genes that had shaped her. Nothing about them was alike. Physically or otherwise.
His hair was turning grey and his heart colder. The one which couldn't love her mother. The one that couldn't love her. Or maybe had loved too much. She didn't remember him smiling or talking too much to anyone. With those strong eyes and sharper tongue he could intimidate possibly everyone. That's the reason why people hated him so much. She was nothing like him and that's the reason why people loved her. She was the most vulnerable girl they'd ever laid eyes on. Men especially loved helping this damsel get out of her distress. Obviously she'd return their favours by feeding their egos with sugar coated lies.
Today she wanted him to come for her and nobody else. She painted a picture of his face when he'd see her. Almost lifeless and barely emoting anything. It sent a chill down her spine and gave her goosebumps. Oh this can be cured she said to herself and gulped down the leftover rum from her purple flask.
She looked up at the sky and watched the blue beauty with the madly placed spots. There's nobody for you and I'm not going to take care of you, that's what she said to him last, in her mind this morning. Then she left, left the table,her house,her lane,her city to come here. Where they were once happy. Her eyes welled up as she remembered her mother whispering into her tiny ear that if she told daddy that he's the best dad, she'd get an icecream. Obviously she did what her mother asked of her and then he picked her up,smiled wide and hugged her tightly. Maybe his only hug which she remembered. She looked around and there was no trace of him as yet. She knew he'd come, even out of anger he would.
And then he did. She heard his car and froze out of fear and happiness. She didn't know that turning her head around would make her see this. His eyes traced with worry and teary as he called her name.
She smiled, dusted the sand off her clothes and walked back to him.
Maybe to his love and maybe to an unexpected hug.

Since life is pretty much being a bitch to me, I decided to make a list of the things I CAN do. (Yes, publicly. Cute no? No? No.) 

• kill someone right after I wake up. The only trigger being someone trying to hug/kiss/talk to me. 
• make bearable chocolate tarts. 
• procrastinate.
• sing norah jones' songs which can make up for the worst covers?
• shut the hell up and watch a sunset. 
• talk about anything way too passionately. (minus sexual undertones almost like a person with OCD) 
• pretend to look intelligent in class. 
• pretend to look dumb in class. 
• doodle an entire book. 
• eat an entire pizza. 
• run for 3 minutes on the treadmill. (any longer and I can faint too) 
• finish a book in a day without moving my ass. 
• read about psychology for hours without getting bored. 
• avoid getting glasses due to my awesome genes. 
• brag incessantly about myself,people I love, stubble and Sherlock. 
• laugh while being mad. laugh in any inappropriate situation basically. 
• get bored while making lists and stop. 

Okay bye. Will blog more often with lesser self-obsession. 

Yes.

And here's the end to the perfect mess.

Sometimes, all you can do is stop your thoughts.
Block them, burn them and not let them get through your door.
It doesn't matter why or for whom but you just have to put on your brave mask and march on.
It could change everything or it could change nothing.
Honestly, If you have been bending backwards to save something, stop.

It will just complicate and add to the clutter. The worst part will be when.. you know it's not even going to count.That the truth was a completely different story, the one which you never could've imagined.
The truth will burst the bubble you were comfortably living in (without knowing of it's existence). Then throw you off a cliff and yes, a really high one. And when you hit the ground, you'll get shot at. Just to check if you're dead enough.
This post was a result of the fuckery happening since a few days and http://www.vibhasuvarna.blogspot.in/2012/10/how-much-exactly-is-too-much.html
Well, I think I've crossed the line of too much. It's time to stop running in and away and finally lay my head in the arms of acceptance. How romantic!

Why am I not dead already? 

Getting there.

Arambol, Goa. Where nothing existed except for chilled beer bottles and laughter. 

. 

To moving on- No. Memories. No Memories.

Reflections in the best mirror. 

Two books = two friends.

Devil's in the mailbox.

Incredible book. INCREDIBLE.

The sea of separation and reunions. 

When i shut off the lights, you're missing. 

Kauwa. Aur kya? :-P

Click photos, make memories and type on your worst days. Life will be fine. 

2.

Two years to this bittersweet love.

Two years ago on this day there was a reunion.

A reunion that would change everything, forever.

He was a part of my childhood that I vaguely remembered and of course he rarely crossed my mind until 4th august 2010. 

Not sure of whether it really was him, I took a risk. Good move? The best. :) 

Two years of talking endlessly about the most random things, food, music and ofcourse us. 

Even though things arent what they could've been, I'm happy that you existed. as a part of me. sometime.

All I want to say to you today is thank you thank you thank you thank you. 

Thank you for being so patient with me. 

for always suggesting that we should go and watch the sunset. 

for understanding the weirdest of my mood swings. 

for letting me be your lemon tart.

for making me so mad that i could've strangled you.

for being the only person I know who loves butterscotch.

for not being embarrassed of me. 

for being the imaginary father of my imaginary child (.....)

for always knowing which video will make me smile/cry/laugh/shock the hell out of me and linking me to it ONLY when it was appropriate. 

for hugging me like i meant the world. 

for all the wars. Yes! wars. (even the ongoing one)

for listening to even the crappiest of music suggestions i gave. 

for telling me that my hair smells nice. 

for asking me "where was I all these years?" when I did something good.

for making my world perfect. So perfect that no one could resist being jealous. 

for being my best distraction. 

We may be on a parallel level as of now but...

H, 

You still are my vapour trail in a deep blue sky.